By Chen Yao
In 1995, I started to believe in thebecause of the family strife and became an adherent of sola fide. Thanks to the care of the Lord, from then on my husband was fairly fond of me, and my family became harmonious again. Having seen God’s love, I secretly made an oath: Afterward, I’ll read more of the and attend meetings often, and moreover, I will work for the Lord in spreading His name so as to repay His love for me.
Gradually and unknowingly, thebecame desolate. At meetings, the sermons of the preachers were the same old platitudes. Fewer and fewer brothers and sisters came to the meetings, and I also felt that I couldn’t gain any light when reading the Bible. I was thirsty in my spirit and lost my former faith.
One evening of March, 1999, Sister Li, a preacher, called me to her house. As soon as I came into the room, I saw that another preacher, Sister Liu, and an unfamiliar sister were sitting on the sofa. Sister Li said to me excitedly, “Sister Chen, our long-expected Lord Jesus has returned! Let’s listen to Sister Lu’s fellowship.” As speaking, she introduced Sister Lu to me. I was glad to hear the news. The Lord Jesus has really come back? I must listen carefully. So I sat down and listened to the sister’s fellowship with full attention. Then Sister Lu patiently witnessed to me God’s work in the last days. Through her fellowship, I understood: The work of the Lord Jesus was done on the foundation of that of Jehovah God. The work of Almighty God is based upon the foundation of the Lord Jesus’ work of redemption. God becomes flesh again to save corrupt mankind. Only by accepting God’s work of the last days, receiving the guidance and shepherding of His words, can manand . I thought her fellowship made sense, and therefore I agreed to investigate the work of Almighty God in the last days. Before I left, Sister Lu gave me a book of Almighty God’s words. As soon as I got home, I opened the book and read it. Then I thought: These words are very good. They speak to people’s hearts and reveal all of humanity’s corruption. It seems they are very likely God’s words. The more I read, the more brightened I was.
Two days later, Sister Zhang shepherding the new believers fellowshiped at the gathering, “When God first appeared in the flesh, He was male. This time He appeared to man as a female….” Hearing her fellowship, I was stunned: What? God incarnate this time is female? How could that be? At that moment, I thought of what 1 Corinthians 11:3 said, “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” I thought: Woman is the origin of the corruption of mankind; woman can’t assume power; the first incarnation is male, and the second must also be male. How could He be female? When my thoughts reached this point, I interrupted her, “Sister Zhang, these days you have witnessed to us the work of Almighty God in the last days, and said that God has returned in the flesh. I agree with these. But you said God incarnate this time is female, I can’t accept it. As we all know, the Bible says man is the head of woman, and woman can’t assume power. How could God incarnate be female?” Seeing that I reacted very strongly, she advised me, “Sister Chen, God’s work doesn’t conform to people’s notions. That we can’t accept God’s incarnation this time is female now is because we don’t know His work. This requires us to hold a heart of humble seeking toward God’s work….” At the moment I was completely occupied by “God incarnate can’t be female,” so I was unable to listen to what she fellowshiped afterward. Therefore, I used an excuse of having things to do at home and then left. After I got home, I saw the portrait of the Lord Jesus on the cross on the wall, I thought: The first incarnation of God was male. When He returns in the last days, He will certainly still be male. But Sister Zhang said the second incarnation of God is female. That’s impossible. I can’t accept that. Then I opened the Bible and read.
The next day, Sister Liu and Sister Lu came to visit me. But I didn’t want to have a fellowship with them because I clung to my notions. Sister Liu exhorted me patiently, “Sister Chen, we human beings don’t possess the truth, so how can we fathom God’s work? The Bible says, ‘O the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! how unsearchable are his judgments, and his ways past finding out! For who has known the mind of the Lord? or who has been his counselor?’ (Romans 11:33-34). God’s work is wondrous and unfathomable. We can’t define the gender of the returned Lord according to our own conceptions and imaginations.” But no matter what they said, I didn’t listen as if my heart was closed, nor did I say anything. At last, Sister Liu said with a sigh, “Sister, you’d better quiet your heart and think it over. We’ll come in several days.” After saying that, she and Sister Lu left with regret. Looking after them, I thought: If they come again, what should I do? Should I drive them out? No. I’m a believer in God. I can’t treat them that way. Then what should I do? Ah, won’t it be fine if I avoid them and don’t contact them? And in this way, we won’t have disputes and thus we won’t be in an awkward position.
The next day, I suddenly thought: Sister Liu has believed in Almighty God. Now that she spread theto me, she certainly has spread it to other brothers and sisters. It is I who spread the gospel of the Lord to Sister Sun. What if she follows Sister Liu to believe in Almighty God? No. I must go to her house and tell her never to go the wrong way. After I got there, I said to her, “Sister Liu and other sisters spread the kingdom gospel of Almighty God to me. But I can’t accept that the second incarnation of God is female. In the Bible it clearly says, ‘But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God’ (1 Corinthians 11:3). It is known that man rules over woman, woman should obey man, and woman can’t assume power. So how could the second incarnation of God be female? I can’t understand anyway. I’m afraid we would go the wrong way. Sister Sun, the Lord has given us too much grace, so we shouldn’t leave Him.” Hearing my words, she said to me quickly, “Sister Chen, I really didn’t realize this before you told me. It’s right. Woman is the origin of mankind’s corruption and woman can’t assume power. How could God’s incarnation be female? I can’t understand it, either. I better return them the book in several days.”
After I got home, I took the book ofand wanted to give it back to the sisters. When I arrived at the door, I suddenly felt a little reluctant, so I walked back. After that, I walked in the room back and forth, pondering in my heart: What’s wrong with me? Why am I reluctant to give back the book? I believe when the Lord returns, He must be male. However, Sister Lu and others said the returned Lord is female. It doesn’t conform to my view. Yet the words in the book can’t be spoken by man. I remembered 1 Samuel 16:7 saying, “For man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” The words in the book revealed the thoughts in our hearts and our corruption, and it is convincing. Could it be that these words are from God? Otherwise, who can inspect people’s hearts? Yet why did they say God incarnate is female? I sank into deep thought. Then, I came before the Lord and prayed, “O Lord! Is Almighty God really Your return? This concerns whether man can gain life. I don’t know what to do. O Lord! I don’t want to go the wrong way. May You guide me.” After the , I looked at the book of God’s word, and was a little unwilling to give it back. I thought: Anyway, they didn’t ask me for it. Besides, I still want to read it. I’ll give it back when they ask for it. At this thought, I put the book back.
Later, I intentionally avoided the sisters. Each time I sent my son to school and approached Sister Liu’s house, I asked him to go to the gate to see if she was in the courtyard. If she wasn’t there, I would pass by quickly. In the following days, I was very uneasy in my heart, and distraught with anxiety in all I did. I always felt empty as if I had fallen into darkness. What’s more, I couldn’t feel the Lord in my prayer. I thought: Is Almighty God really the returned Lord? Has the Lord really come to work as a female? This question troubled me like an unsolvable confusion in my heart. One day, After I sent my son to school, on the way home, there suddenly occurred a thought in my heart: The false fears the true. I believe that the second incarnation of God should be male. If what I hold on to is right, then why do I fear to see Sister Liu and others? If they are wrong, it should be that they fear to see me and avoid me. At that time, I suddenly thought of 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love.” I thought: There is no love but fear in my heart. It proves that I don’t have a place for God in my heart. On the contrary, the sisters not only don’t fear to see me, but actively fellowship with me. There is no fear in their hearts. Do they have a place for God in their hearts? Am I wrong? I kept thinking as I was walking. Unknowingly, I got to Sister Sun’s.
Seeing me wearing a worried face, Sister Sun asked, puzzled, “Sister Chen, what’s wrong with you?” I answered confused, “I don’t know. Sister Sun, since I refused Sister Lu and others, I’ve been uneasy in my heart and I’m in no mood for everything. In the past, when I encountered some difficulties, I could feel the Lord was with me and everything was easy. But now I don’t have this feeling. Instead, I feel worried every day. Could it be that we have gone too far from the Lord? Is there something that does not please the Lord in what we’ve done, so that we couldn’t feel His presence? Is it because we didn’t accept the work of Almighty God in the last days? Is Almighty God really the returned Lord Jesus?” Sister Sun was somewhat sad, saying, “Sister Chen, just now I returned the book to Sister Liu. At that moment, there were several brothers and sisters in her house. They received the book with tears in their eyes. When I just walked out of the outside door, I heard them praying for me and asking God to have mercy on me, guide me and let me turn back. They all cried when praying. I feel they are very loving and concerned for us. Hearing your words, I’m thinking whether we’re really wrong and I shouldn’t have returned the book?” I was astonished again at her words: Sister Lu and others could pray for an unfamiliar person in tears. Their love is great! If I refuse God’s salvation and go astray, I will cause trouble to Sister Sun. Then won’t it be the blind leading the blind and both falling into the pit? Seeing that Sister Sun was anxious, I felt even more uncomfortable. So I quickly comforted her, “Sister, don’t be worried. Since such is the case, take it easy. Let’s pray to the Lord for this matter and see how the Lord will guide us.” After saying this, I went home.