Time flies; I have worked in the company for five years. I consider myself as a conscientious employee. Every time I saw the department mangers win regard and admiration everywhere they went, I was itching for their positions, dreaming that how honorable it would be if I reached that position one day.
Once in a staff meeting, the general manager said: “A vacancy for assistant has arisen both in our sales and personnel department …” Without waiting for him to finish talking, my colleague, Sister Zhang, said immediately: “I think Li Jia suits the position. She is of high caliber, smart, and good at work, so she can be qualified for the position of assistant.” After hearing her words, I was very sad and thought: Li Jia and I were hired by the company at the same time and assigned to the same department, and I am her equal in professional ability. She can be promoted as assistant; why cannot I? Am I not good enough at my job in your eyes? Why did you not recommend me? I felt wronged and thought: Maybe I should recommend myself. Then I thought again: No, I cannot, if I recommend myself but they say I don’t suit the post, it would be so embarrassing. But if I do not recommend myself, I will have no other chance to get the post. I was perturbed and didn’t know what to do. Afterward, when the meeting was over, I still hadn’t expressed my view.
All the colleagues had left, but I could not calm down long after the meeting. The more I thought about it, the more wronged I felt. Recall that I had done a lot for the company: When I encountered leg work and things that nobody liked, I never declined. And I also got along well with these colleagues too. Why did nobody recommend me for promotion to assistant? Does everyone just see me as someone who runs errands? The more I thought it like that, the more painful I felt. I did not feel like working on or responding to colleagues when they talked to me. When I got home from work, I was out of my head. I tossed and turned in bed and could not fall asleep that night, thinking: What aspect am I not good at? Why no one recommended me? Will I never have my day in the company?
As I was full of complaint, tossing and turning in bed, I thought ofsuddenly: “If you believe in the dominion of God, then you must believe that the things that happen every day, be they good or bad, don’t happen accidentally. It is not that someone doesn’t get on with you or opposes you on purpose; it is actually all arranged and orchestrated by God. What does God orchestrate these things for? It is not to reveal your shortcomings for everyone to see or to expose you; exposing you is not the final aim. The aim is to perfect you and save you.” God’s word reminded me: Right! The things that happen every day, no matter good or bad, are all arranged and orchestrated by God. And it is not someone making things difficult for me, but God using the circumstance to make me come to know myself, learn lessons, and see His salvation. When I thought of these, I calmed down a little. Then I came before God and prayed to Him: “O God, today when the opportunity for a promotion to assistant comes along, I feel very painful for not receiving attention and recommendation. God, I don’t know what your will is for me in this circumstance. May you guide me, enlighten me, and lead me out of this misery. Amen.”
After praying, I saw God’s word saying: “as soon as it involves position, face, or reputation, everyone’s heart leaps in anticipation, and you always want to stand out, to be famous, to be glorified. You are unwilling to yield, always wanting to contend, although contending is embarrassing. However, you are not content not to contend. When you see someone stand out, you are jealous, feel hatred, complain, and feel it is unfair. ‘Why can’t I stand out? Why is it never me? Why is it always he who gets to stand out and it’s never my turn?’ There is some resentment. … Is not a person’s falling into these conditions a trap? This is the bondage of a satanically corrupted nature. Think about it for a minute: If a person has cast off these corrupt dispositions, is he then free and liberated?” Through the revelation of God’s word, I understood that the root of my misery was that my desire for pride and status was not satisfied. I considered myself as a valuable asset to the company, and was unwilling to be a common clerk below others. So, as soon as I heard there was an opportunity for promotion, my heart leaped in anticipation. However, when the colleague recommended Li Jia and my desire was shattered, I became jealous of her, thinking that she was no better than me in business but even could get the promotion. I complained about the colleagues’ not noticing my efforts and not recommending me. I was totally carried away and bound by fame and gain. Only now did I see it was because that I relied on the satanic laws of survival of “standing above others” and “striving to be better than everyone else” to live. All I had pursued were to win others’ regard. But the result was that the less admiration I got, the more painful I felt. I thanked God for arranging the surrounding to reveal me and make me recognize my faulty pursuit and knowwas to save me from Satan’s bondage. What God had done was so wonderful.
Then I saw God’s word saying: “If you are always focusing on these things, always struggling for these things, if your heart is fully occupied and filled by these things, if you never want to put them aside and you always harbor them without putting them aside, then you are being controlled by and bound by these things. You have become a slave, and you cannot give them up. You must learn to give up and set aside these things, to yield, to recommend others, to allow them to stand out. Do not struggle furiously and rush to take advantage as soon as you encounter an opportunity to stand out or obtain honor. Learn to back off, but do not delay the performing of your duty. Be a person who performs his duty out of the public eye, and who does not show off before others. The more you give up and set aside, the more peaceful your heart will be and the more space will open up within it, and the more your condition will improve. The more you struggle and compete, the darker will be your condition; try it if you don’t believe it. If you want to turn around this kind of condition, if you want not to be controlled by these things, then you must first set them aside and give them up.” God’s word made me understand that we have to fight against the corrupt disposition consciously if we want to break free from the control of it, and that when encountering things related to status and pride, we need to give up and set them aside and not rush ahead. God’s will was for me to work in a down-to-earth way, not contending or fighting so as to stand out or be glorified, doing things before God but not before people, living out the likeness of a Christian according to His word to glorify and satisfy Him. And from this experience, I came to realize: My colleagues recommended Li Jia for promotion but not me, this shows that she has certain advantages I don’t possess, and that I have many inadequacies and should learn from her. Only in this way can I gain more and more.
After understanding God’s will, I was not that painful. Then I did my best to do my work as I always did. One week later, I heard a surprising news that I was promoted to run the sales department. On hearing the news, I didn’t feel very excited or complacent about it but very peaceful in the heart. If it were not for the revelation and judgment of God’s word, I would still be played with and tortured by Satan without awareness, being miserable living in the web of contending for fame and gain. I can have this kind of transformation today and feel free in the heart, living freely and peacefully. I know this is the result that God’s word has achieved on me. I thank God for it.