By Chen Xin
Actually, when he could hear sound and call mama, my son was already over three years old. At more than one year old, he was diagnosed with congenital deafness. From then to the time when he could hear and speak, it was a particularly long process for me, and meanwhile I was deeply tormented inside. Though the environment seemed painful, because of God’s guidance, however, I gained true knowledge of God’s almightiness and sovereignty, and put right my viewpoints on faith in God.
The Fact That My Son Was Congenitally Deaf Was Like a Knife Twisting in My Heart
I was born in a Christian family, and later our whole family had the fortune to accept the kingdomof God. In May of 2012, when my son was five months old, I formally participated in church life. I sang hymns and praised God, and attended meetings with the brothers and sisters, my heart full of peace and joy.
As the days passed, my son was more than one year old. He was old enough to speak, but he never said a word. I thought: He should be able to say mama at least, but why can’t he? Could it be that my son is a mute? I was upset in my heart. Then my husband and I took my son to the provincial hospital for an examination. When the results came out, the doctor sighed and said to me, “Your son is congenitally deaf. Sound is not audible to his ears.” On hearing his words, I was stunned. After regaining my composure, I urgently asked, “Doctor, can my son be cured?” He shook his head and said, “Your son is deaf from birth. He can’t be cured.” His words struck me like a bolt from the blue, and I almost broke down. I could barely believe my ears. At that time, I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing, thinking: How could my lovely son be like this? What if he is deaf and dumb in the future? He will be unable to go to school normally, or find a job when he grows up, let alone get married. If so, how can he lead his life in the future? … No! No matter how much money it will take, I must let my son be cured. Then, I took him for a CT and an MRI. When I showed all the results to a specialist, he said, “Your son is congenitally deaf. His cochleae are deformed and hypoplastic. It’s difficult to cure this disease. The only hope for him is to receive a cochlear implant, but the operation can’t be guaranteed to be successful, and at last maybe all will be in vain.” My husband and I hurried to ask, “Doctor, did any children who had the same disease as my son have a successful operation?” He answered, “There were some successful cases. But as for the cases like your son whose cochleaes are hypoplastic, the success rate is very low. When children have the operation before two years old, the success rate is higher and it will cost over 200,000 yuan. You think it over.” Hearing him say like this, I hit rock bottom, thinking: 200,000 yuan! That is as much so as astronomical figures. We don’t have so much money. But there will be no hope for my son if he doesn’t undergo the operation. At that moment, I felt that even the heaven had come crashing down and I felt terrible, as if a knife had been twisted in my heart.
Genuinely Trusting in God and Then Seeing God’s Wondrous Deed
After I dragged my legs home, I held my son and wept silently. At night, I couldn’t fall asleep, thinking: Now, both my husband and I are believers in God, but why could such a thing happen to us? I realized my complaint came out. Such a thought was not in line with, and I showed no conscience and reason before Him. Thus, I came before God and prayed, “Oh, God! Now I feel bad in my heart. Faced with my son’s disease, I can’t accept it for now. We don’t have so much money to let him have the operation. Besides, the doctor said the operation may not be successful. I don’t know what to do. I entrust this matter to Your hands.” After praying, I thought of God’s words, “Almighty God is an all-powerful physician!” God is almighty. Whether my son’s disease can be healed or not is not decided by the doctors, but is in God’s hands. God has the final word. Thinking this way, I was much calmer in my heart.
However, the operation will cost a lot of money, and we don’t know whether we can scare up enough money to let my son have it. Besides, whether the operation will be successful was unknown. At the thought of this, I couldn’t help but become worried. Thereupon, I prayed in front of God about my worry again, “Oh, God! Whether my son will be able to have the operation, whether it will be successful, I entrust these all to Your hands. I am willing to submit to Your designs and arrangements.” Then I remembered God’s words, “Of everything that occurs in the universe, there is nothing that I do not have the final say in. What exists that is not in My hands?” “Who of the whole of mankind is not cared for in the eyes of the Almighty? Who does not live in the midst of the Almighty’s predestination?” God’s words gave me faith. I thought to myself: Right! Throughout the universe, the Creator has the final word in everything. Whether we can scare up enough money for my son’s operation is in God’s hands, and whether my son can have a successful operation completely depends on God’s sovereignty, but not on anyone’s will. Every created being is controlled by God’s hands, and what kind of life my son will live is also in God’s rules. Thus my concerns are useless. I am willing to obey God’s sovereignty and arrangements. At this moment, I didn’t have so much pressure as before.
After discussion, my husband and I decided to let my son have the operation. After scaring up enough money, we hurried to make contact with the hospital to fit my son in for the operation. During the operation, I kept praying to God and entrusted it entirely to His hands. No matter whether or not it went well, I was willing to obey God’s orchestrations and arrangements. After the operation, the specialist told us, “There are twelve contacts in your son’s cochlear implant, and half of them have been active, that is, the operation has achieved half of success. But this doesn’t mean after the operation your child can hear sound and speak words immediately. He has to gradually get used to the hearing aids. Besides, he needs to spend a couple of years in training at the rehabilitation center and also needs your cooperation. Only by this will he have some improvement.” Hearing the doctor say the operation was successful, I was very excited and had an inexpressible joy, keeping thanking God in my heart. The doctor had said that if my son with deformed cochleae underwent this operation, the success rate was low, but now it went well. I knew this was God’s wondrous deed. I really thanked His care and protection. A lady’s daughter in the same ward with my son was also congenitally deaf. After her daughter’s operation, the doctor told her, “Your child’s operation didn’t work well.” Hearing the doctor’s words, I was even more certain that the success of my son’s operation was entirely due to God’s protection and I had more faith in God.
Realizing the Wrong Perspective of Believing in God and Changing the Desire for Blessings
After we got back home from the hospital, I prayed to God, read God’s words every day, attended gatherings regularly and performed my duty actively. I thought: If I continue doing like this, God will surely protect my son so that he can hear sound soon. Five months passed quickly. One day, I wanted to test my son’s ears. I took a drum and hit it beside his ear, but he had little reaction. I couldn’t help becoming worried. Now I have spent a lot of money, but my son’s hearing still doesn’t get better. My sister’s son who is younger than mine can speak and sing, while my son even can’t call me mom. When I thought of this, I felt great pain in my heart. Then my complaint came out: During this period of time, I have always fulfilled my duty, made prayers and read God’s words regularly, but why doesn’t my son get better? Unknowingly, I lived in a negative state. Even when I read God’s word, I was unable to absorb any of it; when I prayed to God, I didn’t know what to say. I felt that I grew further and further apart from God.
One day, I saw a passage of God’ words, “How many believe in Me only so I would heal them? How many believe in Me only so I would use My powers to drive unclean spirits out of their bodies? And how many believe in Me simply to receive peace and joy from Me? How many believe in Me only to demand from Me more material wealth, and how many believe in Me just to spend this life in safety and to be safe and sound in the world to come? How many believe in Me only to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven? How many believe in Me only for temporary comfort but do not seek to gain anything in the world to come? When I brought down My fury upon man and seized all the joy and peace he originally possessed, man became doubtful. When I gave unto man the suffering of hell and reclaimed the blessings of heaven, man’s shame turned into anger. When man asked Me to heal him, yet I acknowledged him not and felt abhorrence for him, man went far away from Me and sought the way of witch doctors and sorcery. When I took away all that man had demanded from Me, they all disappeared without a trace.” “True faith in God means experiencing the words and work of God based on a belief that God holds sovereignty over all things. So you shall be freed of your corrupt disposition, shall fulfill the desire of God, and shall come to know God. Only through such a journey can you be said to.”
God’s words revealed my wrong viewpoint on and despicable intention in my belief in God. When knowing my son was deaf, I constantly prayed to God and relied on Him, and He blessed me that my son’s operation was successful. In this case, I was full of gratitude for Him and had faith in Him. However, now when my son didn’t get better, I doubted, blamed and misunderstood God and even didn’t want to read His words or pray to Him. From this, I realized that in my belief in God, I didn’t treat God as God at all, much less believe in His almighty dominion. I always made demands of Him; I said I would obey His rules and arrangements, but in essence I made a deal with Him, and used Him under the guise of faith in God to achieve my own intention. I was not truly believing in Him. Such manner of faith in God made God resent me, and that was too selfish and despicable. God is the Creator, and I am merely a small creature; God supplies and blesses me with all the needs for survival, and I should pursue to be a conscientious and rational created being. My only pursuing the peace of the flesh and blessings wasn’t the purpose I should have in my believing in God and in that way I couldn’t satisfy God’s will. Then I thought of Job. When the trials came upon him, he lost a mountain of livestock and his body was covered with sore boils. But he didn’t complain to God; he believed that it was God that bestowed blessings and took them back, and he was still able to praise God’s name. Job had humanity and a heart that revered God. He was a true created being. I should imitate him; no matter what my son’s illness would be, I was willing to obey God’s sovereignty and arrangements.
Truly Obeying God and Then Seeing His Almightiness
In the following days, I began to regularly read God’s words, pray to God and live the church life, and in this way I recovered the normal relationship with God. At the age of over three, my son could gradually make some simple sounds. What was more unexpected was the following thing. One day, I was doing laundry in the washing room while my son was playing in the sitting room. He suddenly ran behind me and said, “Mama, I want some water.” Hearing the “mama,” I was very excited and immediately held my son, shedding tears with joy. I finally heard my son call me mama, which left me unable to express my joy with words. I kept thanking God in my heart, “God! You show me Your wondrous deeds on my son. I can only rely on You. I thank and praise You.”
When my son was four years old, I took my son and that lady took her daughter who had lived in the same ward with my son to the hospital for a checkup. After my son was examined, the doctor told me, “Your son recovered his hearing well. That girl’s operation didn’t go as well as your child’s. Has he trained at a professional rehabilitation center?” “No, he hasn’t.” I answered. I knew in my heart these were completely God’s wondrous actions and I silently thanked God within my heart.
Now my son is almost the same as a normal child. He is now in preschool and the teacher told me that his grades were very good and he got full marks several times. In this practical experience, although I suffered a little, I saw God’s wonderful actions. God’s words say, “His power is extraordinary, and though no one can see His true face, He governs and controls everything at every moment. No man or force can go beyond His sovereignty.” God is the Ruler of all things and He has extraordinary power. The doctor said my son was congenitally deaf with hypoplastic cochleae and it was difficult to heal him. The fact couldn’t be changed in our human eyes, but when I truly relied on God and was willing to entrust my son’s destiny completely to God’s hands, his hearing gradually was restored to normal.
Also, if it were not for my son’s illness, I wouldn’t have known my wrong viewpoint of seeking to gain blessings in my faith in God. If I always hold onto such a viewpoint, I will only be detested and rejected by God in the end. After experiencing this, I have understood that it is totally justifiable for a created being to believe in and worship God and no matter whether God bestows blessings or not, I should do so. I sincerely offer gratitude and praise to God. All the glory be to God!