Successful Marriage Needs Tolerance and Understanding

By Wang Qi

My Dream of Being a “Princess” Came True

During junior middle school, I began to be crazy about Qiong Yao dramas and romantic dramas in which the hero follows the heroine’s every word and dotes on her as a princess. When I saw the scenes, I was green with envy. I thought: In the future, I must also become such a “princess.” After I grew up, I found the object of my affection, who listened to me in everything, indulged me, and pampered me. I felt I realized my dream of being a “princess.” Though all my family objected to my getting married to him, I still decided to stay together with him for a lifetime. After we got married, I began to imagine a much happier marriage life. Unexpectedly, my actual life collided with my dream of being a “princess,” which gave rise to many farces.

One day, I accidently broke the button of the new cellphone that my husband bought not long ago. Seeing this, he said regretfully, “Look, a new cellphone gets broken. How come you aren’t careful? …” When I heard there was an implied blame in his words, I felt as if my heart was pieced by a knife. In a rage, I snatched the cellphone in his hand and threw it to the ground and questioned, “You blame me? Am I less than a cellphone in your heart? Our life can’t go on. Divorce!” At my words, my husband was so afraid that he immediately offered apologies. I turned my head away, unwilling to listen; I got things ready to leave home. Not until he pulled and dragged me and spoke a lot of nice words did I reluctantly stay. In the end, by forcing him to recite a passage of movie lines, I forgave him. Because I believed: As a “princess,” I should have the temper and the style of a princess …

Since we got married, I had to do more housework, so I felt I turned into a maidservant from the princess I had dreamed to be. One day, while I was cooking food in the kitchen, my husband returned from work. Because he didn’t come to help me, I got angry in my heart and kept making complaints. Yet, he still didn’t come to the kitchen after I complained. Then I rushed into the bedroom, snatched the book in his hands, and threw it to the ground. And I lost my temper with him, “You’re going too far. You only know to read books in the room after coming back, but never know to help me. The food has been cooked up, but you even don’t serve the rice. Am I your maidservant? You let me serve you like this. Do you still care about me? Our life really can’t go on. Divorce!” Upon hearing that I asked for a divorce, my husband hurriedly caught my hands and said, “It’s all my fault. Next time I will surely go to the kitchen to help as soon as I come back. Please never speak of divorce anymore.” Then, he rubbed my shoulders for a while, and massaged my legs for another while. … Only thus did my burning temper melt away. Every time I saw that he cheered me up with nice words and obeyed me in everything, I felt I was like a princess and had a place in his heart, and then I felt balanced inside somewhat. At that time, we often played the scene that I walked ahead carrying my baggage while my husband pulled me and spoke nice words behind. Each time I would surely let him submit to me.

My Life As a “Princess” Came Under Threat

When I was greedily enjoying the way of being treated as a “princess,” once, my husband gave a long sigh after he apologized to me. The sigh touched my heart. I thought: Why did my husband sigh? Can it be that my threatening to divorce him every few days makes him feel I go too far? But then I thought: Isn’t it because I can’t find favor with him and he doesn’t follow my “correct” advice? He first gets me angry.

Not long afterward, I threatened to divorce him once again. My husband helplessly said with his head down, “Can you not make a scene? I’m almost dying of it. I really can’t bear with it anymore. Alas …” Hearing my husband’s heartfelt words, I also felt a bit distressed in my heart. Thinking back on the past, as long as he didn’t act as I wanted him to, I would lose my temper with him and threaten him by asking for a divorce. And each time he had to apologize to me. Actually, I just wished for a princess-like life—being treated as a treasure by him. At this thought, I decided to restrain myself from threatening to divorce him. However, things were not as simple as I had thought. No matter how hard I tried, it didn’t help. Whenever encountering untoward things, I couldn’t help losing my temper and involuntarily blurted out the word “divorce.” Later on, I extracted experience from my neighbors. But their way of association just didn’t make any difference to me. Having been accustomed to being pampered, I couldn’t suffer any grievance. If my husband didn’t flatter me, I would feel I had no place in his heart so that my princess-like life came under threat. Once again, I threatened to divorce my husband. Though he still admitted his mistakes as usual, I found that his heart-to-heart talk with me became ever fewer. No matter what I asked him, he just answered “yes.” He would rather watch TV in others’ families than go home. Seeing my husband was indifferent to me, I doubted whether he changed his heart and betrayed me. So I often cried into the pillow at night, and I even felt that no one loved and cared for me…. The more I thought, the wronged I felt, so that I just wanted to lose my temper. In a bad mood, I found fault with everything and was even less satisfied with my marriage.

God’s Word Rescued My Marriage

Just as my marriage hit rock bottom and was about to break up, I believed in God because of God’s exaltation. After associating with brothers and sisters, I saw they spoke decently, and could get along well with one another. They could commune together and be open about their corruption and difficulties. When they had brushes because of different opinions, they would first examine and know their own faults and shortcomings, and humble themselves to make apologies to others. Thus, they could get along well with one another and live in joy and release. When staying with them, I felt very happy and sincere. This kind of church life gave me lots of joy, and then I became cheerful. Brothers and sisters often said that God’s words are truth and can resolve all of our problems. So I brought my pain before God to pray and seek direction.

One day, I saw God’s word says, “For example, if you were watching a television show, what sort of things in it could change your view? Would what the performers said, the words themselves, be able to corrupt people? (No.) What sort of things would corrupt people? It would be the core thoughts and content of the show, which would represent the director’s views, and the information carried in these views could sway people’s hearts and minds. Is that right? (Yes.)” “We can say Satan is evil, but in order to confirm it we must still look at what the consequences of Satan’s corruption of man are and which dispositions and essences it brings to man. You all know some of this, so speak about it. Once Satan has corrupted man, which satanic dispositions do they express and reveal? (Arrogant and haughty, selfish and despicable, crooked and deceitful, insidious and malicious, and with no humanity.) On the whole, we can say they have no humanity, right?” At this time, I awakened as if from a dream: It turns out that the reason I have become what I am is because I was controlled by the thoughts in the romantic dramas and was envious of the feeling that the hero follows the heroine’s every word and dotes on her as a princess. Therefore, I always unreasonably asked my husband to dote on me and treat me as a princess, and I even believed that a “princess” should have the temper and style of a “princess.” In this case, I behaved wildly, willfully, and unreasonably before my husband, and asked him to absolutely obey me; when my purpose couldn’t be reached, I would threaten to divorce him. I was completely ignorant of the principles of being human, and of how to care for others, how to respect, consider, and understand others. Truly, I was so harmed by these romantic dramas that my thoughts had been distorted. At the moment, I felt very sorry for my husband. Thinking of the scenes that I lost my temper with my husband, I couldn’t help shedding tears of self-reproach and regretting how I became such a person. My erroneous views of pursuit hurt my husband and also did damage to our marriage, bringing tremendous pain to him and myself. After knowing this, I would never want to live by these ideas, and I would pursue to live out normal humanity.

Afterward, I saw the Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life said, “When we associate with others, we should have mutual respect, obedience, care, help, consideration, tolerance, patience, and forgiveness; we should be considerate in return, not indebted to others. … All these are what a man with normal humanity should have. Now people all lose them, and they even don’t have the fundamental human kindness, let alone normal humanity.” Seeing these words, I had a way and direction of living out normal humanity. Then, I started to focus on practicing the truth in actual life.

Tasting the Sweetness of Practicing God’s Word for the First Time

Gradually, I began to associate with my husband according to God’s word. Sometimes, when I wasn’t satisfied with what he did and wanted to lose my temper, I would silently pray to God and rely on God, asking Him to give me a heart of patience and tolerance. Little by little, my temper faded away. In the past, my husband liked watching news on TV. But I always kept the remote control in my hand. After reading God’s word, I came to know that I was too arrogant, without any consideration and respect for my husband. One night, I gave the remote control to him and said, “Today I accompany you watching the news.” Taking over the remote control, my husband said with surprise, “Does the sun rise in the west?”

Over time, I found my husband came home more frequently, and there were also less and less arguments and threats of divorce in my family. I knew that all these were the result of God’s word leading me.

God’s Word Led Me to Live Out the Likeness of a Real Person

However, it was not as easy as I had imagined to achieve true change. As time passed, the winter arrived. We needed to nail the plastic sheeting over the windows of our house. One day, my husband was nailing the upper side of the window while I was doing the lower side. When I was about to finish, my husband saw that the plastic sheeting I nailed to the window looked askew; and what’s more, the sheeting I nailed went too far to the left side and left the right side partly uncovered. So he said, “Look at what you’ve done! You do something simply like an ignorant child. You’re not helping me. I have to do it again. If only I didn’t ask you for help! You wasted the plastic sheeting. You can only waste stuff once you work.” Especially when I heard he repeated “What a waste,” I felt so upset inside that I couldn’t control my temper and vented it. I flung the thumbtacks in my hand onto the windowsill and said loudly, “You think I’m not good; go to find a good one.” After that, I ran into the room with anger.

When I entered the room and saw the book of God’s word on the table, I realized that I lived in satanic corrupt disposition again. Then, I hurriedly knelt down and prayed to God, hoping God granted me confidence and strength so that I could stop my anger with my husband and submit to this environment. After praying, I opened God’s word and read a passage, “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in their testimony to God. … Everything that happens to people is when God needs them to stand firm in their testimony to Him. Nothing major has happened to you at the moment, and you do not bear great testimony, but every detail of your daily life relates to the testimony to God. If you can win the admiration of your brothers and sisters, your family members, and everyone around you; if, one day, the unbelievers come, and admire all that you do, and see that all that God does is wonderful, then you will have borne testimony.

God’s word made me awake a lot: Today this matter that comes upon me is a spiritual battle. My actions relate to whether I can bear testimony to God. I should understand my husband, and learn lessons and know myself from this matter. Then, I thought about why my husband lost his temper with me: My husband was born in a poor family. He has been careful about doing everything and afraid of wasting things. This is a good living habit that he has built from childhood. Whereas, I have been pampered and spent money like water. I am careless and muddleheaded about doing anything, and I even couldn’t consider how others feel. With this realization, I suddenly remembered God’s word says, “What is vital now for you all to do is to learn to obey that which is right….” Yes! I should listen to and obey the right advice. Only this is a person with normal humanity. On this matter, I should understand my husband, and even more put myself aside to learn his strength. Thinking of this, I didn’t feel that distressed.

Just then, my husband came in. I bravely apologized to him and said, “I’m sorry. It was my fault. I did a bad job, but I vented my anger on you. From now on I will learn doing things from you. Can the plastic sheeting still be reused?” After hearing my words, he looked at me and was speechless with great surprise. He hesitated for a moment and then stuttered, “No … nothing. I thought you were angry. As long as you don’t get angry, everything will be all right.” As he spoke, we both laughed.

Woman and man's hands, heart, forever word

I Am Living in Perfect Happiness

From God’s word, I came to know that my marriage and family are arranged by God. But because I was deeply corrupted by Satan, I always had personal extravagant desires, wanted my husband to treat me as a princess, and asked too much from him. I couldn’t live out normal humanity, so I always lived in misery and made complaints. Now, under the leading of God’s word, I realized everything arranged by God is best. I gradually gave up my extravagant desires in the heart, submitted to God’s arrangement, learned consideration, tolerance, and putting myself in others’ shoes. I no longer demanded too much of my husband. Slowly, in my life, I smiled more and felt less depressed; I was more in harmony with my husband and had less argument against him. And I will never threaten to divorce my husband. Now I’m not living the life of a princess that I dreamed of, but I conduct myself in accordance with God’s word, living joyfully and happily. All the glory be to the only true God.

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