By Qin Xin
August 28, 2017 Monday Sunny
Today, I had just come back to my company after taking a business trip in another city and felt tired somewhat. As soon as I arrived at my office, Xiaoli told me happily, “Sister Qin, you know something? Yesterday the manager praised you in front of me, saying that with your managing our department, he wouldn’t have to worry.” Upon hearing Xiaoli’s words, I felt cheerful inside. Recalling that since being in charge, I had been praised by the manager several times and moreover the staff also rather admired me and often greeted me with smiles, I felt I had found my own worth and that immediately my tiredness reduced a lot. Now, that the manager could be at ease and give the work to me was his affirmation of my work abilities, so I had to continue to work hard and live up to his hopes in me.
September 4, 2017 Monday Sunny
Today, I was promoted to work at the head office! This was absolutely the biggest surprise given by God during this period. I really had never imagined this! The head office was the place where how many people struggled furiously to go. That I could have the fortune to be raised to work at there must be God’s elaborate arrangement. So I thanked God for giving me such a good chance! I was immeasurably excited within!
September 7, 2017 Thursday Sunny to Overcast
I had come to work at the head office for several days and my emotions were very excited. I felt as if the air were different here. Here crowded experts and most of them were all veterans of large working experience, just as the Chinese proverb goes, “Behind an able man there are always other able men.” I had two colleagues who worked together with me. It was said that one had good organizational skills and had insight when she spoke. Through getting along with her these days, I found that the points of views she expressed were really original and admired by people. The other had rich working experience and was good at resolving various aspects of problems in our work. After comparing myself with them, I thought, “Why am I worse than them in each aspect?” I couldn’t help but produce a strong sense of danger: Alas! If I didn’t do my job well, how would others see me? Would they think that I’m unqualified for this job and cannot take on responsibility? Then it would be too shameful!
September 15, 2017 Friday Overcast
These days I had been revising a proposal together with my two colleagues. Sometimes, I found that there existed some problems in the proposal. After putting forward my suggestions, which I thought were not bad, but I had never imagined that they were rejected by my colleagues very quickly. This made me feel very awkward. What’s more, my two colleagues put forward some pretty good ideas every now and then, and thus I naturally became the worst one. I couldn’t understand: Why do I become like this? Looking back, when I was at the branch office, everyone was around me and my words and deeds were all up to mark. However, after I came here, I’m always the one who is rejected and can’t be glorified. I feel that I have no values in the slightest here. Alas, why was I transferred to work here? To be honest, I’m very unwilling to stay here anymore! As it turns out, my promotion is not as happy as I imagined.
September 23, 2017 Saturday Rain
As the saying goes, “Misfortunes never come singly.” My mood was down and gloomy as the rainy day. In recent days, I even did not have the heart to deal with the paperwork, and the results of my work were not good at all. When encountering difficulties in my work, I wanted to ask my colleagues. But I thought: “If I ask them, how will they see me? However, if I don’t ask, I will hold up the progress of the work.” After an intense internal struggle, I finally summoned up my courage and went to ask one of them for some advice. However, she didn’t say a word to me unless I did or asked her questions. Seeing that she was sullen-faced and cold with me for several days, I felt very awful inside. I thought to myself: She probably rejects me for the proposal I modified having no original ideas, causing the progress of the work to be held up. Maybe she also gets fed up cooperating with me … How can I end up in this situation?
This morning, the moment I got up, the first thing I thought of was: Next Monday when my colleague checks the proposal I revised yesterday, if she finds that my original ideas are not good enough, what will she think of me? Will she say that how I can revise it so badly? Will she think that I am not capable? … During this period, these thoughts always poured out like water after the floodgates had been opened and it was simply too hard for me to control them which pressed me so much that I was nearly about to choke!
After entering the head office, I felt that I suddenly seemed to become an ugly duckling, couldn’t stand out or be glorified in the midst of a group of “white swans” in everything and moreover was looked down on by them. The treatment I received from here was merely vastly different from that I received from the branch office! Thinking of this, I really couldn’t bear such a disparity so I hurried to hide myself in the toilet and couldn’t help but cry. I thought I was really too ashamed to stay here anymore as I cried. Thinking back on the time when I was at the branch office, I had never been so embarrassed, and normally the paperwork I wrote were hardly changed by my colleagues but could receive positive recognition from the manager. How wonderful that was at that time! But now the sense of my self-value was damaged badly. At the head office, aside from having heavy workload, I had to continually improve myself in the professional ability and moreover both my partners were better than me. The pressure was really too much! I really didn’t know how to face my new work. I had a strong thought—admitting failure and resigning and returning to the branch office. But I knew I was a Christian, so I had to pay attention to learning lessons. I prayed to God within as I cried, “O God, I am in so much pain. I really want to admit failure and resign. Oh God, what should I do? May You lead me….”
September 24, 2017 Sunday Light Rain to Sunny
This afternoon, when I attended a meeting, I was open with my brothers and sisters and told them my problems I encountered at the head office and my pain inside. After hearing these, a sister patiently read a passage ofto me, “Where does mankind’s pain, negativity, and weakness come from? What causes it? (It’s caused by a corrupt satanic disposition.) Right. … A corrupt satanic disposition is very deeply rooted in people, it is their life, and so what is the pursuit of a human? What do people want to gain? Under the driving force of a corrupt satanic disposition, what are people’s ideals, hopes, ambitions, and life goals and directions? Aren’t they contrary to positive things? Firstly, people always want to be stars, famous people, or famous actors. Are these positive things? They wish to gain great fame and prestige, to bring honor to their ancestors, which is not at all in line with positive things. In addition, this runs counter to the law of God’s rule over mankind’s fate. Why would I say that? What kind of person does God want? Is it someone who is great, a celebrity, a noble person, a world-shaking person? Is that the kind of person that God wants? (No.) So what kind of person does God want, then? Tell Me. (Someone with their feet firmly on the ground, who is a worthy creature.) Aha, so someone with their feet firmly on the ground who pursues to be a worthy creature, who can fulfill a creature’s duty. This is one part of it.”
She fellowshiped, “After being corrupted by Satan, we all live by its corrupt disposition. Permeated with these Satan’s poisons ‘getting ahead and ranking higher than others,’ ‘Better be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion,’ and ‘Men should always strive to be better than their contemporaries,’ we develop wrong outlooks on life: We always want to stand out, shine, stand head and shoulders above the rest, and be the one who gets attention. When developing these wrong goals for our life pursuits, we think that these are quite proper, feeling that only by living in this way can our life be meaningful and valuable. When we can’t get the honor of others, we will feel a lot of pain and stress and naturally create all kinds of negative conditions; we will even complain that the environments God sets up for us are bad so that we will be always trying to extricate ourselves from them and go to a place where we can make ourselves stand out and shine. Through God’s words, we know that that we seek to get ahead of others so they look highly upon us is not a positive thing. It is Satan’s web and yoke which it uses to corrupt and swallow us. Sister, just think about it. Isn’t the reason why you are not happy at the head office and always want to return to the branch office because you feel that you lose your own value and can’t get the honor of your colleagues? In reality, every one of us is not perfect and has our own shortcomings and deficiencies and something that’s beyond ourselves. When God arranges an environment for us, His will is to let us live before Him, do things and conduct ourselves with our feet firmly on the ground according to His requirements, play our roles preordained by Him well, show our talents given by Him and put in our whole hearts and all of our efforts to cooperate with Him. Just as God’s word says, ‘You must learn how to walk, and how to walk steadily, one step at a time. If you can walk, then walk; do not try to learn how to run. If you can walk one step at a time, then do not try to take two steps at a time. You must be a person with your feet firmly on the ground. Do not try to be superhuman, great, or lofty.’ ”
As the sister fellowshiped about God’s word, my heart was liberated little by little and I no longer felt that depressed. Only then did I understand that the reason why I was unhappy after I was promoted was because I lived by these Satan’s poisons “getting ahead and ranking higher than others,” “Better be the head of a dog than the tail of a lion,” and “Men should always strive to be better than their contemporaries,” pursuing to be thought highly of everyone and realize my own value. When my proposed amendment was always denied, and when my colleagues not only didn’t take my suggestions into consideration, but gave cold shoulders to me, I felt very frustrated, thinking that I had lost much face and totally couldn’t stand out at the head office. Thus, I wanted to escape this environment and return to the branch office, so as to enjoy being admired by everyone. Not until then did I come to realize that my happiness was all for my own sake. God required that no matter where we were, we should follow His word, that what we were living out could honor Him, and that we could do as His word says, “You must be a person with your feet firmly on the ground. Do not try to be superhuman, great, or lofty.” I didn’t do things or conduct myself according to God’s requirements but just pursued to win the honor of others. When I couldn’t get it I would be in pain and shed tears. Wasn’t I opposingand running counter to His will? I thought carefully that if I had given up my work because of this to escape this environment instead of practicing the truth to solve my own corrupt dispositions within, then no matter where I was, I would worry about my face and never get rid of this pain. In fact, regardless of how others saw me, my value wouldn’t be changed because of this. No matter what my colleagues thought of me, I should work with my feet firmly on the ground responsibly and professionally, live out the manner a Christian should have, and achieve the satisfaction of God. Like it says in the , “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not to men; Knowing that of the Lord you shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for you serve the Lord Christ” (Colossians 3:23-24).
Walking out of the meeting hall, I was so relaxed and illuminated inside! The sunshine seemed to be especially warm and when I saw the pedestrian around me, I felt they were all so kind and friendly. I personally tasted that only God’s word could make me free and liberated. Without the guidance of God’s word and fellowshiping and gathering together with my brothers and sisters, I would live in darkness and didn’t have the direction and path of my progress. I thanked God for His becoming flesh to express His word and do His work and for His bestowing upon me so good brothers and sisters and such a beneficial church life!
September 25, 2017 Monday Sunny
This morning, I would give the proposal to my partner to let her check it. But I still felt somewhat nervous, so I silently prayed to God in my heart, “O God, may You give me confidence and courage so that I can resist the control of my face and status and obey the environment You set up for me.” After I gave it to her, as I heard that she pounded the keys loudly from time to time, my heart shrank bit by bit, thinking, “Are there still many problems in it? If I make mistakes again, what will she think of me?” But immediately I realized that I was thinking about my own face again. I thought of the following passage of God’s word, “The functions are not the same. There is one body. Each does his duty, each in his place and doing his very best, every spark of enthusiasm a flash of light, seeking maturity in life, thus will I be satisfied.” The guidance of God’s word made my heart calm down gradually. I understood: Everyone’s calibers, talents and personal experience given by God are different. I revise the proposal to the best of my ability, and she also did all she can to check my first draft and make corrections to it. In this way, we can complement each other in order for the proposal to achieve better results. Isn’t this better for our work? At this moment, I felt relaxed inside and no longer worried about what she would think of me. When she gave me the final modifications she made, I no longer focused on how many corrections she had given; instead, I could calm down and think about how the modifications were done and what benefits they would bring. After practicing in this way, I felt that I reaped some true rewards, and moreover, her revision suggestions allowed me to find some ways as make the proposal better. At that time, I no longer felt a loss of face.
Today was the most liberated and enjoyable day after I worked at the head office. I tasted that obeying God’s sovereignty, paying no attention to others’ gazes and learning my partners’ strengths to complement my shortcomings were really good. Living in this way, I felt that my heart was at ease and that my life was also relaxed and happy. God’s words were the truth, the way and the life. They resolved my difficulties and allowed me to have the path of practicing. I really thanked and praised God!
November 26, 2017 Sunday Sunny
Until today, I had worked at the head office for over two months. Under the guidance of God and the shepherding of His word, I learnt to adapt my environment and learnt some strengths from my partners and my professional aspect had been improved. In addition, I was no longer afraid of others’ gazes that much. Seeing these results, I felt very happy. I knew this was the result of God’s work. All the glory be to our almighty and only true God!
After this period of experience, I also knew God’s righteousness and experienced the importance of following God’s way. That is, when I used my heart to do everything in a practical, down-to-earth manner according to God’s requirements, He would enlighten, illuminate and lead me, so that the effects of my work got better and better and I also gradually learnt some true abilities, feeling that each day was very enriching. More importantly, through experiencing such an environment, I started to continually correct my wrong path of pursuing and knew how to live a valuable life and my heart was more and more liberated. This was reallyfor me. I gave my thanks and praises to God!
The warm winter sunshine warmed the grounds; time still went forward. I also continued to experience every day that followed under God’s guidance. No matter how many trials, hardships and difficulties I would encounter in the future, I had confidence and was only willing to rely on God to experience them. Amen!
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