Bible Reading Made Easy

Couples Therapy: How to Get Over His Wife’s Betrayal

By Lu Wenzhi, Czech

Everybody dreams of having a happy and beautiful marriage yet extramarital affairs destroy countless families. When faced with situations that cause people pain and humiliation, some people choose to swallow up their anger and suffer secretly. Other people choose to do unto others as they have done unto them. Still others even choose to commit suicide. They see death as the way to end the marriage. Aside from these options, are there any better choices that can help us truly break away from the pain that extramarital affairs cause? Xu Zhiliang’s wife betrayed him yet he was able to resolve the pain that he felt. What did he do?

Wife’s Betrayal
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An Eight Year Marriage Reached Its Conclusion

In 2004, Xu Zhiliang met his village neighbor Qinglian, who is both tall and beautiful. She was the object of Xu Zhiliang’s admiration. Fortunately, they both fell in love with each other and within two years, they decided to get married. After getting married, they were both very happy. Both Zhiliang’s family and friends said that he was very lucky. When he heard these praises, Zhiliang was very happy. However, gradually, Zhiliang realized that his wife would often lose her temper and throw a tantrum if she was not happy with what he said to her, so rarely would he get a day of peace. However, in order to maintain their marriage together, he endured silently.

In the autumn of 2013, Qinglian suddenly suggested that she should go out to find a job. Xu Zhiliang agreed. Not more than a month later, his wife came home and said, “I want a divorce! I think that we are not suitable for one another at all.” After she finished saying this, Qinglian started to pack her clothes. Zhiliang said as he snatched his wife’s bag, “Stop packing up your clothes. Let’s talk about this.” Qinglian refused to talk to him and insisted on having a divorce, so she brought their child with her and left angrily.

At that moment, Xu Zhiliang sat on his sofa with a blank expression on his face thinking, “All these years we have fought but there had always been some emotion there. How could she just leave?” Suddenly, his wife’s cell phone rang. Zhiliang picked it up and answered, “Hello?” The person on the other end immediately hung up. Suspiciously, he accessed his wife’s voice mail, “Qinglian, when will you be by my side again? I have not been able to sleep these two days without you.” “Me too. …” After hearing this, Zhiliang was furious. He felt like his head was spinning and he started blacking out to the point where he almost fell down. He never would have thought that his wife would betray him and that he would be a cuckold! He was reeling. At that moment, Xu Zhiliang suddenly thought of how Qinglian would frequently be chatting on her cell phone. Especially right before she went to work, when she saw him coming over, she would quickly hide her cell phone. Finally, Xu Zhiliang understood. It turned out that Qinglian had found a man a long time ago, and that she went out under the pretense of going to work when in fact she was going to hang out with another man.

Knowing the Truth, Zhiliang Was in Great Pain

At night, Zhiliang resisted the pain that he felt in his heart. Until his child was asleep, he questioned his wife, “Have you met someone else? Who is he?” Qinglian angrily put down her phone, kept denying and said that Zhiliang framed her Xu Zhiliang took her cell phone and played the voice mail, “Qinglian….” Qinglian immediately reached out,grabbed her cell phone back and said angrily, “Where did you find that?” “Where I found it is not important. What’s important is why did you do this? How can you be so inconsiderate to this family’s feelings? How can you do this after all these years of marriage? Why would you betray me after I have done so much for you? …” Qinglian coldly smiled, “Xu Zhiliang, I have told you already that we are over. You are no longer in my heart. Stop trying to entangle me, it is no use! In my heart, we are no longer husband and wife.” “How can you be so cruel? …” Xu Zhiliang was so angry that both his hands were trembling and he was even thinking of slapping her. However, he knew that when it comes to someone who is totally irrational, it does not matter what one does. At this moment, Qinglian continued pressing the matter, “I will give you a few days to think it over, after which I want a divorce as soon as possible.” After she finished saying this, she shut the door and went to bed.

In the past, no matter how angry his wife got, Zhiliang never really argued back. All along, he yielded and was patient with her. To please his wife, Zhiliang would rush about and try to earn more money each and every day. Sadly, what he received in return was betrayal. Xu Zhiliang was sitting by himself at the edge of the roof of his building. His heart felt like a knife had been stabbed deep inside and it was now being twisted. With his hand covering his chest, he said, “How could I have married such a woman?” All his hopes and dreams had just turned to dust and he felt like his life no longer had any purpose. Why not just jump and meet death head on? … However, he thought, “If I die, what would my child do? Wouldn’t he become an orphan?” It was hard for him to accept his circumstances. He would frequently shut himself up in his room, not wanting to see anybody. After a period of time, he lost about 20 pounds.

Discovering the Reason Why His Wife Cheated on Him

One afternoon, he met a sister who believes in God at his parents’ place. He told her about his unhappy marriage. After the sister listened to his story, she read him two passages of God’s words: “It seems like a world of gaiety and splendor, one that is becoming more and more so. When people look upon the world, their hearts are drawn to it, and many are unable to extricate themselves from it; great numbers will be beguiled by those who engage in trickery and sorcery.” “Born into such a filthy land, man has been severely blighted by society, he has been influenced by feudal ethics, and he has been taught at ‘institutes of higher learning.’ The backward thinking, corrupt morality, mean view on life, despicable philosophy, utterly worthless existence, and depraved lifestyle and customs—all of these things have severely intruded upon man’s heart, and severely undermined and attacked his conscience. As a result, man is ever more distant from God, … under the domain of Satan, man does nothing but pursue pleasure, giving himself over to the corruption of the flesh in the land of mud.

She continued to communicate, “From God’s words we know that we have been corrupted deeply by Satan. We basically do not know what is good and what is evil. Having been corroded by evil trends, we are controlled by Satan’s thoughts, such as ‘not looking for a lasting relationship but just looking for experiences,’ and ‘Seize the day for pleasure, for life is short.’ So, we think of affairs as a trend and we frequently use incompatibility as an excuse to indulge in lust. The society no longer sees cheating, violating morals and dismantling families as something that is shameful, and no matter how one’s family members and children suffer, they basically do not care. They are even willing to abandon their own families to satisfy their desires. These people see divorce as nothing. They do not have any sense of responsibility. This is what happens when Satan corrupts man! Since we do not believe in God and do not understand the truth, we are unable to see through these matters. That is why we live in pain and are unable to escape from it.”

God’s words and this sister’s communication helped Zhiliang understand that his wife’s betrayal was in fact caused by the poison of Satan’s thoughts. He thought about how Qinglian would frequently chat with strangers on the internet and how she was caught in the evil trend of affairs and was unable to break free, thus causing her to violate her morals and marital vows. She basically did not consider his or their child’s feelings nor did she have any integrity or dignity. She had been thoroughly corrupted by society’s evil trends and had become a sacrificial victim of Satan’s evil trends. When Zhiliang understood this, he was no longer angry at his wife, and he felt a little bit of relief in his heart. At this moment, he thanked God from the bottom of his heart. If he had not come before God, he would never have seen through these matters and he would be stuck living in the midst of pain and hatred.

Xu Zhiliang read another passage of God’s words: “When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. … His watching is priceless and is for the heart and the spirit of humans. Perhaps this watching is indefinite, and perhaps this watching is at its end. But you should know exactly where your heart and spirit are now.” After reading God’s words, Zhiliang’s heart was very moved. Each sentence of God’s words warmed his heart. He thought back to how his wife had promised to be with him until death, yet now, she had betrayed him without even a second thought. It turned out that his wife’s love was unable to endure even a single test. In the face of reality, it can’t even withstand a single blow. At that moment, Zhiliang deeply felt that in this world, only God was truly concerned and cared for him and only God’s love was real, pure and beautiful. Zhiliang knelt down and prayed in tears, “God! God! Thank You for Your love for me. In my moment of pain and helplessness, it was Your words that guided me and helped me escape the pain of my wife’s affair. God, I want to follow You the rest of my life …”

Making a Choice and Escaping Pain

Not long after, Qinglian once again brought up the matter of divorce. However, this time, Xu Zhiliang decided to let go and agreed to the divorce. After the divorce, with the guidance of God’s words, he was not in a lot of emotional pain.

One time, at a gathering, Zhiliang read another passage of God’s words: “As someone who is normal, and who pursues the love of God, entry into the kingdom to become one of the people of God is your true future, and a life that is of the utmost value and significance. No one is more blessed than you—and why do I say this? Because those who do not believe in God live for the flesh, and they live for Satan, but today you live for God, and live to do the will of God. That is why I say your lives are of the utmost significance. Only this group of people, who have been selected by God, are able to live out a life of the utmost significance: No one else on earth is able to live out a life of such value and meaning.” God’s words were like a guiding light shining on the path forward. He thought back to the past when his life goals were “family happiness” and “the love between husband and wife.” He felt that if he were able to achieve these two things, he would be a very happy person. That is why, within his heart, all he could do was love Qinglian. No matter how much he suffered, it was all worth it. However, after his wife’s betrayal, Zhiliang finally saw through it all completely. In fact, pursuing all these things was empty. As a creation, he should seek to love God and satisfy God and he should fulfill the duties of a created being. This is in fact life’s most meaningful and blessed goal.

Afterward, Zhiliang would frequently attend gatherings with his brothers and sisters where he would read God’s words and sing songs of praise to God. His heart felt especially happy. Each day was very abundant and joyful. The anxiety that was on his face had disappeared. Now, Zhiliang has gone overseas. He is still actively persevering in his church with spreading the gospel and fulfilling his duties in order to repay God’s love. When he looks back on the path he has taken, he discovers that in fact, God was guiding him each step of the way. He can’t help but think of the following passage from God’s words: “To be able to accept the Creator’s sovereignty, to receive His salvation—what great fortune that is!” Zhiliang offers his heartfelt thanks to God!

Rely on GodMarriage Relationship

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