When I was at the one third of the article “I Have Found the One Whom I Can Rely on,” I’m not sure if I should carry on. Because what I read was: A mother was suffering depression, living in pain as she was very worried that anything unpleasant would happen to her children and husband when they were not at home. I never had that kind of feelings, hence I could not understand. Maybe it was because that I’m still young, or that I had a bold and forthright personality …
But think about it, there were many people in our society living in pain and with depression. Some were worrying whether their children will get bullied in kindergarten, whether the teachers would treat their children nicely. Some were worrying whether their children can get a good job, a good partner. Some were worrying whether they would die when they got ill. Some were worrying that their children would get hurt when they got old and die. Some were even worrying about disasters, the instability of the world, the development of science leading to environmental pollutions and more, all those thoughts were pestering us everyday. How exactly can we walk out of the depression, and set aside our worries to live a peaceful life?
Li Yan is an example of someone who suffered depression because she worried too much about her children and husband, but she was able to walk out of it and lived happily ever after!
The Old Her—Living in Depression Painfully
Li Yan’s husband is a family-centered man. He treats Li Yan with care and love. They have a boy and a girl, and they are satisfied with their life. Their son cycles to school on his own. Every time when he reaches home in time, he always yells: “Mum! I’m back!” Li Yan feels relieved only after she hears her son. For a period of time, some students fought on their way home after school. Li Yan was very worried and anxious as long as her son came home late for a while, she was scared he would be in danger. So she wandered back and forth the way from her house to school, she was only able to become assured when she saw her son.
One day, Li Yan’s son was still not home after dismissal hours. She became very anxious. She went to find her son’s classmate to ask his whereabouts. The classmate said: “After dismissal, I saw him with someone from another class. I’m not sure what they are going to do.” Li Yan got so tensed up, thinking: Where will he go? Will he end up fighting with other kids? A few days back, a neighbor’s son was fighting with another kid, the neighbor’s son could not win him, so he called his brother. His brother used a knife and stabbed the kid to death. Li Yan was in a cold sweat by imagining all this: What to do now? How am I able to find him? Li Yan hovered on the way from school to her house, hoping to see her son. She mumbled repeatedly to herself: Please stay safe … Li Yan could not even dare to blink. She kept an eye on every car and passerby, fearing that she would miss her son. After she walked for quite a distance, Li Yan saw a kid cycled vigorously from not afar who looked like her son, she looked closely again, it was indeed him. She then was able to let down her guard. She shouted at her son, and her son stopped. Li Yan went up to him and gave him a hard slap and saying: “Where did you go after school? Don’t you know I’m worried?” Her son said guiltily: “Mom, I’m sorry. I went to my classmate’s house to do homework.” Li Yan felt sorry as her son felt wronged and guilty, she knew she was being too impulsive. Just like this, Li Yan lived in anxiety, pain and annoyance, worrying about everything. She did not spend a day with peace, her children and husband had to suffer with her as well.
Li Yan’s husband is her dependence, he supports the whole family. Li Yan thinks that it would be the end of the world for her family without her husband, that was why she was always worried for her husband when he was out for work. One time, her husband went to their cousin’s house for dinner, he was yet to be back in the evening. Li Yan started to overthink again: Will he be drunk at cousin’s house? If he is, will he get ran over by car as he is coming back at night? Li Yan’s heart was racing like it was going to beat out of her chest by just imagining those scenes. She hovered numerous times on her husband’s way to home, but she returned with disappointment every time. Li Yan sat on the bed the whole night, scaring that she would not be able to hear her husband ’s knocking when he was back.
Finally, the sky was almost bright. Li Yan cycled hastily to her cousin’s house. (The distance is about 12 miles). When she entered the house, her sister-in-law told her politely: “Your husband was drunk yesterday. Your cousin afraid that it would be too dangerous for him to cycle back, so he asked your husband to stay for a night. Sorry for making you worried.” Li Yan was relieved after hearing her husband was fine. Then she started to worry about her kid who was still sleeping, for fear that he would have no time for breakfast as he would have to rush to school, so she rushed back home. When Li Yan was rushing to their cousin’s house, she did not feel exhausted because she was so worried about her husband. But when she was on her way back home, she was out of breath and fatigued. Because she didn’t sleep at all last night, she cycled back home in exhaustion.
She Is Changing—God’s Words Gave Her Faith
Li Yan finally made it back home. A neighbor saw her come back with a worried and tired face, she asked with concern: “What did you do? Going out early in the morning?” Then Li Yan ranted to the neighbor all her pain and misery.
The neighbor invited Li Yan to her house, took out a book of God’s words and started reading: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work. Since the day man came into existence, God has been steady in His work, managing this universe and directing the change and movement of all things. Like all things, man quietly and unknowingly receives the nourishment of the sweetness and rain and dew from God. Like all things, man unknowingly lives under the orchestration of God’s hand.”
“So when people recognize God’s sovereignty over human fate, the smart ones choose to know it and accept it, to bid farewell to the painful days when they tried to build a good life with their own two hands, instead of continuing to struggle against fate and pursue their so-called life goals in their own manner. When one has no God, when one cannot see Him, when one cannot clearly recognize God’s sovereignty, every day is meaningless, worthless, miserable. Wherever one is, whatever one’s job is, one’s means of living and the pursuit of one’s goals bring one nothing but endless heartbreak and irrelievable suffering, such that one cannot bear to look back. Only when one accepts the Creator’s sovereignty, submits to His orchestrations and arrangements, and seeks true human life, will one gradually break free from all heartbreak and suffering, shake off all the emptiness of life.”
When Li Yan was listening to the neighbor’s reading, she felt that those words were amazing, she could relate to all of them. The neighbor told her: “I was like you in the past, always worrying about my family, always overthinking. Since the day my sister passed me the book of God’s words, I started reading it everyday. Then I realize there is a one true God, the Heavens in our words. He is presiding over our destiny and He has dominion over and is arranging our everyday life. How long we will live, the state of our health, our occupation, our talents, how many kids we will have, are all decreed by God. We must’s authority and sovereignty, put husband and children into His hands. We could not even change our own destiny, why worry about them?! You are living in such pain and exhaustion, because you do not know God. Come and believe in God!” Li Yan believed God’s words from the bottom of her heart, so she had the desire to read the book of the God’s words. She had a small talk with the neighbor afterward and took the book back home.
The next day’s evening, while Li Yan was cooking dinner, her daughter who was working outside her hometown called: “Mom, I’m scared of this place. I want to go home.” Li Yan heard that her daughter was in tears, she became very worried and asked: “What happened daughter?” Her daughter cried: “Someone bullied me.” Li Yan did not have the chance to finish her sentence as the call was ended abruptly. Li Yan was like a cat on a hot tin roof: What to do now? What exactly is going on? My husband is also not at home, my daughter is being bullied, and she is still a young girl, will she be in disadvantage? Li Yan went crazy at that moment, and cried as she said: “What to do? What to do …” At that time she recalled what the neighbor told her: “God is almighty, no matter what happens, we can pray and rely on God.” Li Yan quickly kneeled and prayed to God, put her daughter into God’s hands. After praying, Li Yan did not feel as worried as before. She believed everything is in God’s hands, so does her daughter’s fate. Whether it was fortune or misfortune were managed by God. Only God could protect her daughter, and her anxiety and fear could not change anything.
A while later, the phone rang, it was from her daughter: “Mom, I’m fine now. I will be back home tomorrow, and tell you everything when I’m home. I will sleep at an elder sister’s house tonight. Don’t worry!” Ended the call, Li Yan thanked God countlessly.
Her daughter came back the following afternoon. She cried and hugged Li Yan: “Mom, I was scared to death yesterday. I was being bullied by a few gangsters. But just then, an elder sister came, stopped and said to them: ‘Don’t you dare touch my sister!’ She chased them away and told me to stop working at that place, if not they would come and bully me again. She also offered me her place to let me stay for a night.” Li Yan asked if she knows that elder sister. Her daughter replied: “I have no idea who she is, and it was the first time we met.” Li Yan said: “Thank God that He saved you, He listened to my prayers and sent people to help.” Li Yan preached God’sto her daughter and the daughter accepted it willingly.
Later Li Yan read a passage of God’s words: “You live under God’s eye, growing up, maturing. During this period, God’s most important task is something that no one ever perceives, something no one knows. God certainly does not tell you about it. So what is this most crucial thing? … From the time you were born all the way up to now, God has carried out much work on you, but He did not tell you every time He did something. You were not to know, so you were not told, right? (Yes.) To man, everything He does is important. To God, it is something He must do. But in His heart there is something important He needs to do that far exceeds any of these things. What is that? That is, from the time man was born up to now, God must guarantee the safety of each one of them.”
“That is because he did not look at whether God would bless him or bring disaster upon him, because he knew that everything is controlled by the hand of God, and that for man to worry is a sign of foolishness, ignorance, and irrationality, of doubt toward the fact of God’s sovereignty over all things, and of not fearing God. Job’s knowledge was precisely what God wanted.” From these words she realized that all things were controlled by God. All her family members’ lives and health were something she could not change and control. She genuinely felt that believing in God and following God’s true way are great. She never knew all this in the past, but now she has found the way to treat her depression and pain. She started to treasure God’s words. From God’s words she learned that she had to obey God, rely on God and look up to God. There would be a way if we are not scared of anything. Since the day Li Yan started reading God’s words, she did not feel as tired as before, but felt every day was fulfilling. She felt positive, peaceful and happy, because she knew everything is in the hands of God. God presides over the fate of all mankind.
The Current Her—Happiness Comes From God
One evening, Li Yan was cooking dinner. Her husband hurried back and told her: “Hurry up! Let’s go to the hospital!” Li Yan became nervous again. She first thought of her son: maybe something happened to him. But she recalled that everything is in the hands of God, with God she was not afraid. She asked her husband: “Did our son got into a car accident?” Husband replied: “How did you know?” Li Yan did not answer him but prayed silently. She has never felt that way before.
At the hospital, her son was sitting on a small bed. The doctor asked Li Yan to hold her son while he was getting ready to give stitches on her son’s head. Her son’s face was yellowish, and his ears were still bleeding. Li Yan became tensed up. The doctor requested hospitalization based on her son’s condition and also warned her to hold tight onto her son and prevent him from sleeping, if not things would get worse. The doctor was very busy, measuring his temperature, checking his eyeballs, and making him hooked up to intravenous drips … The situation was very intense. Li Yan was also very nervous and scared as she saw her husband was plodding back and forth in front of the bed, looked anxious and unsettled. Li Yan started to overthink again. However, God made her recall His words: “Do not fear, Almighty God of hosts will surely be with you; He has your back and He is your Shield.” Li Yan thought: “I have to believe in the sovereignty of God, entrust my son into God’s hands and obey God’s arrangements. Whether he will be dead or alive, it is not something the doctor can decide. Rather, it is in the hands of God. I have to rely on God, entrust my son into God’s hands, not fall into Satan’s traps and live in fear again. I must be rational and keep myself calm so as to fully cooperate with the doctor to save my son.
At that time, she was much calmer. After a night of rescuing, her son woke up in the morning. He opened his eyes and said: “Mom.” Li Yan was thrilled. Her son was safe, and the doctor was also delighted and said: “It was a tough night for your son! No one dared to say the outcome. You are quite brave.” A man beside her son’s bed said to her husband: “Your wife was calmer than you at the moment …”
After Li Yan heard what they had said, she thanked and praised God. She knew it was God who changed her, allowed her to realize how blessed she was when believing in God and knowing the sovereignty of God. If she didn’t believe in God or follow God’s words, not only would she have suffered, she would also not have been able to cooperate with doctor to rescue her son.
After that, Li Yan read another passage of God’s words: “… they don’t know what they will encounter that day. That is unknown, but we don’t fear the unknown. Why is that? Because we have God. We have God in our hearts. We have something to lean on. So, no matter what issues we encounter, we’re not afraid; we have something to lean on and we have motivation. We’re not like non-believers—they are helpless, they’re constantly running around, and they’re constantly afraid of what might happen. They don’t want to get into a car accident, they don’t want to provoke a lawsuit or a quarrel, they don’t want to offend their boss, colleagues, relatives, or people who are useful to them, they don’t want to run into any disasters…. They are wound up tightly in their hearts every day, fearing that these things might happen. They don’t have God in their hearts, so they seem pathetic, helpless, and with nothing to lean on. We’re different. We don’t need to fear those things; God is supreme, He is our Lord, we can lean on Him, He is our Rock. God has already told us the principles of what we should practice when we encounter an issue. We live our lives in the light, in peace.”
Li Yan exclaimed: God’s words are the truths, allow her to walk out of depression and anxiety, and bring light and joy to her life. Looking back at those days being an atheist, painful and helpless without God, she felt it was unbearable to look back upon. Thank God for bringing her into the big family, so that she can enjoy the peaceful joy. She found God, found the One whom she can rely on for her entire life! She truly experienced what thesaid: “Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). “For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:30). “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).