By Chengshi, Unite States
In your life, do you often get angry about trivial things? Do you always put yourself above others and try to control them? … Here, I want you to know that when situations arise, if we can see our own inadequacies, consider others’ feelings, and humble ourselves, then we and people around us will experience some changes. In fact, humbling ourselves is a joy.
I converted to Catholicism when I was little. Believing that I wouldwith faith in heart, I went to the church for Mass every Sunday and read the every day without interruption, so I thought I was a devout Catholic. In the past decades, I had lived in the cycle of sin and confession: I went to confession before the priest at regular intervals, but couldn’t practice God’s word in real life. For example, God taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves, but I just acknowledged it in words. When encountering undesirable things, I would flare up and shout at others out of temper.
At home, my husband and son had to listen to me on every matter. If they didn’t listen to me but argued and justified themselves, I would shout at them and even scold them until they shut their mouths. Once, my husband and son flung the laundered clothes about on the sofa. Seeing the untidy house, I was very angry and asked them to fold up the clothes and put them away, but they continued to do their own things as if not hearing my words, which enraged me. Then I put their clothes in a trash bag and tossed it into the garage. A few times when they retorted upon me, I threatened, “If seeing you fling the clothes about on the sofa again, I will cut your clothes.”
I also often lost my temper on the job. My husband and I run a restaurant. When working in the restaurant, if I saw my employees didn’t stir-fry rice well or worked slowly, I would shout at them. If they didn’t cut fish into even fillets, I would scold them, “How could you be so foolish?” I had never considered their feelings and thought there was nothing wrong scolding them, for they didn’t work well.
In December, 2016, I accepted God’s work in the last days. After reading God’s word for a period of time, I was certain that it is the work of theappearing in the last days. Through having meetings, I came to know that only when we accept God’s work of judgment of the last days, can we get our corrupt disposition changed and eventually be saved by God. Since then I persisted in reading God’s words every day and each severe word of God’s judgment pricked my heart. Recalling my behaviors in the past, I saw that I was so arrogant and truly inhuman, which made me feel bad and anxious.
One day, I read these words of God: “If you really have the truth within you, the path you walk will naturally be the correct path. Without the truth, it is easy to do evil and you would not be able to help yourself. For example, if you have arrogance and conceit inside you, it will be impossible to not defy God, but instead you would be made to defy Him. You wouldn’t do it on purpose; you would do it under the domination of your arrogant and conceited nature. Your arrogance and conceit would make you look down on God, it would make you see God as being of no account, it would make you exalt yourself, it would make you constantly put yourself on display and finally it would make you sit in God’s place and bear witness for yourself. In the end you would make your own ideas, your own thinking and your own conceptions into truths to be worshiped. See how much evil is done by people under the dominance of their arrogant and conceited nature! To resolve their doing of evil, one must first resolve the problem of their nature. Without a change in disposition, it is not possible to fundamentally resolve this problem. When you have some understanding of God, when you can see man’s corruption and recognize the arrogance and conceit that is contemptible and ugly, you will then feel disgusted, sickened and distressed. You will be able to consciously do some things to satisfy God and in doing this will feel gratification. You will be able to consciously bear witness for God and in doing this will feel enjoyment. You will consciously unmask yourself and expose your own ugliness, and by doing this you will feel well within yourself and your state of mind will be bettered.” Every word of God revealed my degenerate behaviors and utterly convinced me. From God’s word, I came to know that if I have no truth, I will easily do evil. I thought: When I associated with my family and employees, all I revealed was arrogance. When associating with my family, I always wanted to be the only one who had the final say in things. When associating with my employees, I had no tolerance or patience toward them and often scolded them because they worked slowly. Which part of me look like a Christian? At these thoughts, I felt fear and trembling and told myself: I can’t be so arrogant anymore, otherwise I will offend God and hurt people around me, which is doing evil. Later, I began to consciously stop behaving badly at work and tried to speak calmly with my employees and family. However, since I was corrupted by Satan so deeply and God’s word hadn’t become my life, I still expressed my corrupt disposition when encountering things. On one Friday night, I again flared up into rage.
That day, there came so many customers that the restaurant was very busy. Some customers ordered fried rice. Because the fried rice prepared in advance were all sold out that afternoon, we needed to stir-fry rice. But there was only one sizzling iron plate in the gourmet kitchen and many foods were roasted on it, so there was no place to stir-fry rice. Seeing the cook unhurriedly frying chicken and other foods, I was anxious and said to him, “You can use a frying pan to stir-fry rice. Then when the fried rice is ready, the meat will be cooked well, too. In that way, we will not waste customers’ time.” He glanced at me and said, “Don’t joke with me.” Then he ignored my advice and continued to cook according to his will. I grew angry and thought: Since I am the boss, how could you not listen to me? Then I scolded him in front of everyone, “Idiot! How could you not comprehend such a simple thing? Is my word so hard to understand?” Because of the scolding, no one dared to utter a word. It was really awkward at that time.
After scolding the cook, I felt so bad, hating myself for my arrogance. I thought: Since I have read God’s words of admonition, how can’t I change my old disposition? The cook and I were all in an awkward situation. But I, arrogant and conceited, felt it hard to drop my face and speak with him, so I repented before God and prayed to Him, “O God, though I am so arrogant and conceited, You never treat me as I am and provide me with Your words, while I failed to practice any of them. O God, I am corrupted so deeply by Satan. May You change me.” For the next two to three days, my spirit was in darkness. I couldn’t absorb God’s word when reading it, and didn’t want to listen to the hymns. Though I prayed to God all the time, I didn’t have a shred of comfort in my heart. So I decided to fellowship with my sister about this matter to find a path toward resolution.
After learning my state at the meeting, the sister sent me a passage of God’s word: “It takes courage when you dissect yourself and lay yourself bare. Look, when no one else is around, regardless of if you’re praying to God, or admitting your mistakes, repenting, or dissecting your corrupt disposition to God, you can say whatever you want, for with your eyes closed you can’t see anything, it’s like speaking to air, and so you are able to lay yourself bare; whatever you thought, or whatever you said at the time, and your motivations, and your deceitfulness, you are able to speak of them. Yet if you have to lay yourself bare to another person, you may lose your courage, and you may lose your resolve to do so, because you can’t take down your front, you can’t remove the facade, and so it is very difficult to put these things into practice.” From God’s word, I came to know that if I want to get out of the embarrassing situation, I should lower myself, drop my face, and practice the truth. After finishing the fellowship with my sister, I felt much comfortable and better. However, it was still a bit difficult for me to humble myself in front of my employees, so I came before God and prayed, “O God, I can’t be arrogant and conceited anymore. I am resolved to drop my worthless face and make peace with the cook. May You help me break through Satan’s influence of darkness.”
When seeing the cook at work, I greeted him with a smile, “Good morning.” Unexpectedly, he politely greeted me, too. Thus, our dispute was settled and we could get along with each other again. Afterward, when I asked him to do something, I would politely say his name first. Seeing my attitude toward the cook changed suddenly, the other employees cast me admiring looks. At that moment, I appreciated that when I humbled myself and no longer lived by the Satan’s arrogant nature, I had great release in my heart and the relationship between me and my employees became much better. Similarly, when I was at home, I could speak calmly with my husband and son instead of scolding them. Seeing my change, my son said to me, “Mom, your belief in God is pretty good.” I knew it was the result achieved by God’s words.
Thank God for His salvation to me. I have learnt to bow my head and humble myself from the drips and drops of life. It is God’s word that changed me and made me live out some likeness of man; I have gained happiness and brought positive influence on others. All the glory be to God!
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