By Chengshi, Unite States
In your life, do you often get angry about trivial things? Do you always put yourself above others and try to control them? … I want you to know that when situations arise, if we can see our own inadequacies, consider others’ feelings, and humble ourselves, then we and the people around us will be changed to some degree. In fact, humbling ourselves is a joy.
I converted to Catholicism when I was little. Believing that I wouldbecause of the faith in my heart, I went to the church for Mass every Sunday and read the every day. I thought I was a devout Catholic. But over the previous decades, I had lived in a cycle of sin and confession: I went to confession before the priest at regular intervals, but couldn’t practice God’s words in real life. For example, God taught us to love our neighbors as ourselves, but I just did it in speech, not action. When encountering annoying things, I would lose my temper and flare up and shout at others.
At home, my husband and son always had to listen to me. If they didn’t obey me and argued and justified themselves, I would shout at them and even scold them until they shut their mouths. Once, my husband and son flung the laundered clothes about onto the sofa. Seeing the house looking untidy, I got very angry and asked them to fold up the clothes and put them away. But they continued to do their own things as if not hearing me, which enraged me. So I put their clothes in a trash bag and tossed it into the garage. When they continued to answer back, I issued a threat, “If I see you fling your clothes on the sofa again, I will cut your clothes into little pieces.”
I also often lost my temper on the job. My husband and I run a restaurant. When working in the restaurant, if I saw that my employees weren’t stir-frying the rice well or were working slowly, I would shout at them. If they didn’t cut the fish into even fillets, I would scold them, saying things like, “How could you be so foolish?” I never considered their feelings, and thought there was nothing wrong with scolding them if they didn’t work well.
In December, 2016, I accepted Almighty God’s work in the last days. After reading God’s words for a period of time, I was certain that this is the work of theappearing in the last days. Through having meetings, I came to know that only when we accept God’s work of judgment of the last days can we get our corrupt disposition changed and eventually be saved by God. Since then I’ve persisted in reading God’s words every day, and each severe word of God’s judgment pricks my heart. Recalling my behavior in the past, I see that I was so arrogant and truly inhuman, which makes me feel bad and anxious.
One day, I read these words of God: “If you really have the truth within you, the path you walk will naturally be the correct path. Without the truth, it is easy to do evil and you would not be able to help yourself. For example, if you have arrogance and conceit inside you, it will be impossible to not defy God, but instead you would be made to defy Him. You wouldn’t do it on purpose; you would do it under the domination of your arrogant and conceited nature. Your arrogance and conceit would make you look down on God, it would make you see God as being of no account, it would make you exalt yourself, it would make you constantly put yourself on display and finally it would make you sit in God’s place and bear witness for yourself. In the end you would make your own ideas, your own thinking and your own conceptions into truths to be worshiped. See how much evil is done by people under the dominance of their arrogant and conceited nature! To resolve their doing of evil, one must first resolve the problem of their nature. Without a change in disposition, it is not possible to fundamentally resolve this problem. When you have some understanding of God, when you can see man’s corruption and recognize the arrogance and conceit that is contemptible and ugly, you will then feel disgusted, sickened and distressed. You will be able to consciously do some things to satisfy God and in doing this will feel gratification. You will be able to consciously bear witness for God and in doing this will feel enjoyment. You will consciously unmask yourself and expose your own ugliness, and by doing this you will feel well within yourself and your state of mind will be bettered.” Every word of God revealed my degenerate behavior and utterly convinced me. From God’s words, I came to know that if I have no truth, I will easily do evil. I thought: “When interacting with my family and employees, all I revealed was arrogance. When interacting with my family, I always wanted to be the only one who had the final say in things. When managing my employees, I had no tolerance or patience toward them and often scolded them because they worked slowly. Which part of me was Christian at those times?” At these thoughts, I felt afraid. I trembled and told myself: “I can’t be so arrogant anymore otherwise I will offend God and hurt the people around me, which is doing evil.” Later, I began to consciously stop behaving badly at work and tried to speak calmly with my employees and family. However, since I was corrupted by Satan so deeply and God’s words hadn’t become my life, I still expressed my corrupt disposition when encountering problems. On one Friday night, my temper again flared up into a rage.
That day, many customers came and the restaurant was very busy. Some customers ordered fried rice. Because the fried rice prepared in advance had already all sold out that afternoon, we needed to stir-fry more rice. But there was only one hot plate in the kitchen and many foods were being cooked on it, so there was no place to stir-fry the rice. Seeing the cook unhurriedly frying chicken and other foods, I got anxious and said to him, “You can use a frying pan to stir-fry the rice. Then when the fried rice is ready, the meat will be cooked, too. That way, we won’t waste the customers’ time.” He glanced at me and said, “You’re joking, right?” Then he ignored my advice and continued to cook his own way. I grew angry and thought: “I am the boss, but you’re not listening to me.” Then I scolded him in front of everyone, “Idiot! How could you not get such a simple thing? Is what I said so hard to understand?” After the scolding, no one dared to utter a single word for a while. Things were really awkward at that time.
After scolding the cook, I felt so bad, and hated myself for my arrogance. I thought: “I have read God’s words of admonition, so why can’t I change my old disposition? Everyone’s feeling pretty awkward right now, but I, arrogant and conceited, can’t forget about face and go to speak with the frying cook.” So I repented before God and prayed to Him, “O God, though I am so arrogant and conceited, You never treat me as I am but provide me with Your words, while I fail to practice any of them. O God, I am corrupted so deeply by Satan. May You change me.” For the next two to three days, my spirit was in darkness. I couldn’t absorb God’s words when reading them, and didn’t want to listen to the hymns. Though I prayed to God all the time, I didn’t have a shred of comfort in my heart. So I decided to fellowship with one of the sisters about this matter to find a path toward resolution.
After learning of my problem at the meeting, the sister sent me a passage of God’s words: “It takes courage when you dissect yourself and lay yourself bare. Look, when no one else is around, regardless of if you’re praying to God, or admitting your mistakes, repenting, or dissecting your corrupt disposition to God, you can say whatever you want, for with your eyes closed you can’t see anything, it’s like speaking to air, and so you are able to lay yourself bare; whatever you thought, or whatever you said at the time, and your motivations, and your deceitfulness, you are able to speak of them. Yet if you have to lay yourself bare to another person, you may lose your courage, and you may lose your resolve to do so, because you can’t take down your front, you can’t remove the facade, and so it is very difficult to put these things into practice.” From God’s words, I came to know that if I want to get out of an embarrassing situation, I should lower myself, drop my desire for face, and practice the truth. After finishing the fellowshiping with my sister, I felt more comfortable and much better. However, it was still a bit difficult for me to humble myself in front of my employees, so I came before God and prayed, “O God, I can’t be arrogant and conceited anymore. I have resolved to drop my worthless need for face and make peace with the cook. May You help me break through Satan’s dark influence.”
When I got to work and saw the cook, I greeted him with a smile, “Good morning.” Unexpectedly, he politely greeted me, too. Thus, our dispute was settled and we could get along with each other again. Afterward, whenever I asked him to do something, I would politely say his name first. Seeing that my attitude toward the cook had changed suddenly, the other employees cast me admiring looks. At that moment, I appreciated that when I humble myself and no longer live by Satan’s arrogant nature, I find great release in my heart and the relationship between me and my employees gets much better. Similarly, at home I could speak calmly with my husband and son instead of scolding them. Seeing how I’d changed, my son said to me, “Mom, your belief in God is a pretty good thing.” I knew it was a result achieved by God’s words.
Thank God for His salvation of me. I have learnt to bow my head and humble myself before the vicissitudes of life. It is God’s words that changed me and made me live with some of the likeness of a human being, while also gaining happiness and being a positive influence on others. All the glory be to God!