By Jianchi, South Korea
After my husband and I had been dating for five years in China, in 2012, we finally joined our lives together in matrimony in South Korea. I personally believed that I had found the true love and I was also full of the beautiful prospect of the future marriage life. Although he had nothing, I thought as long as he treated me well, that was enough and that we would get everything through our efforts later. After getting married, because I was pregnant, I returned home and lived together with my mother-in-law, leaving my husband earning money alone in South Korea. My in-laws were very nice and looked after me in every way. We got along with each other very well and the villagers were all envious of us, which made me even more certain that my choice was right: I married well. Moreover, I also imagined that after my child was born, my life would be more blissful and abundant.
In 2014, after my child’s first birthday, my husband brought my child and me to South Korea. Because my husband worked in another part of the country, he could only live in the dormitory. Thus, I went to the house of my parents, who were making a living in South Korea, and lived there. My husband only came back home a few times every month. For some reason, this time after I came to South Korea, I found that my husband was not the same as before: Regardless of answering the phone or playing with his phone, it seemed as if he was always avoiding me purposely; he didn’t talk with me as before, either; the former intimate feeling was gone. I couldn’t find out where it went wrong. I thought to myself: Maybe we have been separated too long. Or maybe his work made him so tired that he had some pressure. I continually alleged reasons to him to comfort myself, but my instinct told me that the truth was not like this. One day, I took the opportunity when he fell asleep to check his phone secretly, only to find that there was the ambiguous term “wife” in his chat logs. I couldn’t dare to believe that that was true and I also didn’t want to believe that. Then, I asked him what was going on. He acknowledged that he had found another woman outside and said that it happened when I was in China. At that moment, I collapsed, so I had a huge fight with him. My slumbering child woke up and then cried together with me. The sound of our cries disturbed my mother, who lived in the next room. After knowing what had happened, for fear that my child would be scared, she asked me to calm down, and then she also asked my husband what he was going to do next. He answered that he would break up with that woman. I said I couldn’t live with him anymore and that I wanted to divorce. My mother persuaded us to calm down and think carefully. The thought never crossed my mind that such matter would come upon me. I thought: We have been married for less than two years and moreover I married him when he had nothing. How could he treat me like this? I was unable to face his betrayal as if Heaven joked with me. Looking at my asleep child who was in shock, I felt my heart was about to break and thought: What about my child if we really divorced?
Afterward, I cried every day and didn’t want to eat or sleep. The moment I saw him, I would think of the thing between he and that woman and my heart would be awfully choked. I didn’t know what I should do. I didn’t want to live in this way any longer because it was too tiring. I wanted to divorce. But after some inquiries, I learned that if we wanted to divorce, we had to return home because our marriage was registered in China. Seeing that both my husband and I became wan and sallow because of this matter, my mother told us to give some time to each other to consider carefully. During that period of time, I had thought of death, but when I saw my mother and my child, I lost the courage; I also thought of taking revenge on him: Give him a taste of betrayal by selling out myself, but I couldn’t do that; finally, all I could do was anesthetize myself by drinking, but this didn’t work at all. Seeing I tortured myself into a nervous wreck, my husband knelt before my mother, saying that he would never let me down again and asking me to give him one more chance. When I saw that he wore a stubbly beard and was haggard, my heart softened and I promised that I would give him another chance and make a fresh start with him.
In order to untie the knot in my heart, my husband took me to travel. Yet despite this, we already couldn’t return to the past. I didn’t trust him anymore and always lived in doubts. Every day I would check his phone. Later, after learning that he once brought that woman back home, I started to look for the traces everywhere in my house. Once I found something that didn’t belong to me, I would quarrel with him. My mouth said that I was willing to start afresh, but I couldn’t do that. I became more and more suspicious about him so that I would even check his car carefully. Seeing this, he wanted me to see a psychotherapist, but I retorted him quite angrily. In fact, I knew the fault lay with me and I also didn’t want to doubt him. But his betrayal had been the most difficult experience of my life, and the second I thought of this, I would rankle, being always addicted on living in pain. When I talked with my mother about this thing, she was unable to solve it; when I wanted to talk with my friend, I was unable to speak of it for the sake of protecting my face. In this way, I lived muddling along for half a year.
One day, I met a woman holding a child beside my mother’s home. Unexpectedly, she was also an overseas compatriot. We exchanged our phone number and often visited each other and chat when we were free. Later, after learning that I believed that God exists, she brought two sisters to come to visit me and preach theto me. They fellowshiped with me, “Nowadays the worldly trends become more and more evil; people also become more and more corrupt, just like people in Noah’s day. They all pursue life’s pleasure and indulge their own flesh; there are full of violence and deceit between them and even couples also betray each other without true love. Because we are corrupted by Satan, we are unable to overcome all kinds of enticements and temptations if we have no truth. All that we can do is be sucked deeper and deeper into the evil trends, struggle hard and painfully in sin, and be corrupted and distorted by Satan so that we have no human-likeness and completely lose the integrity and self-respect. There is no happiness to speak of at all. Therefore, after the accomplished the work of redeeming mankind through being nailed to the cross, in the last days, He once again becomes flesh to perform the work of judging and purifying mankind. Through expressing the truth, He leads us to free ourselves from Satan’s corruption and thoroughly saves us from Satan’s domain so that we can live in the kingdom without evil and pain. If we don’t come before God to accept His salvation, we can only be harmed and fooled by Satan, living painfully and having no path to solution.”
After hearing their fellowship, I especially yearned for the days without pain. At the same time, I also understood that it was because the evil and darkness of society that I was so upset. Thinking carefully, we people have been surely corrupt: We all don’t keep our promises; at first when a man and a woman fall in love, they swear to the end of the world, but the promises will soon become lies. Nowadays, that men have other women outside occurs quite frequently and no one casts aside it. There are no sincere feelings between people and they only pursue to satisfy their desires of their own flesh. Now, I came to know that all of these were the results of Satan corrupting man. I didn’t want to live such painful days anymore and I hoped I could receive God’s salvation. So, I decided to know more about God’s work in the last days.
When I went out to wave them off, I glanced up at the sky, the sun fervent and high. I, living in darkness all along, seemed to feel the light and the long-forgotten happiness. After that, I formally attended meetings. Through listening to the brothers and sisters fellowshiping God’s words in the meetings, I understood all aspects of the truth such as how people should, the meaning and value of life and God’s management plan to save mankind. I felt very fulfilled in my heart. Afterward, every day, I would read God’s words and pray to Him. When I was praying, I seemed as if I had many words to say to God every day. Gradually, my heart was no longer so painful and I had less medley of thoughts than before. I was very happy that I finally found the support in my heart.
In a meeting, I read God’s words: “I very much appreciate those who harbor no suspicion about others and very much like those who readily accept the truth; to these two kinds of men I show great care, for in My eyes they are the honest. If you are very cunning, then you will have a guarded heart and thoughts of suspicion regarding all matters and all men” (“How to Know the God on Earth”). Reading that passage, an idea flashed through my mind: Do these words not refer to me? I live in doubt and suspicion every day, always feeling that my husband was doing something behind me. He explained every time and actively gave me his phone to let me check, but I still didn’t believe and couldn’t help but secretly check his phone and car. From God’s words, I understood that God doesn’t like my such behaviors and they were all that of treacherous people. I myself also could feel always suspecting others was so tiring. From then on, when I suspected my husband again, I would pray to God, “O God, I started to suspect him again. What You like are honest people. I know my behaviors are not in accordance with Your will, but I am unable to control myself and always live in suspicion. I beg You to lead me!” After my, I was much calmer. I felt very happy, feeling that through praying to God like this, I surely saw God’s guidance. I also had the courage to overcome the environment. Thank God!
One day, my husband stayed out all night, which agitated my calm heart again. I called him all night but he didn’t answer. I began to suspect him again; I tossed and turned in bed and could not fall asleep or control my heart, feeling very painful. In helplessness, I came before God and prayed to Him, “O God! I really want to be an honest person and don’t want to be controlled by suspicion all day long. But I can’t do that. O God! I beg You to help me out of pain.” When I was just praying to God, I suddenly remembered a passage of God’s words, “In every step of work that God does within people, externally it appears to be interactions between people, as if born of human arrangements, or from human interference. But behind the scenes, every step of work, and everything that happens, is a wager made by Satan before God, and requires people to stand firm in theirto God. Take when Job was tried, for example: Behind the scenes, Satan was making a bet with God, and what happened to Job was the deeds of men, and the interference of men. Behind every step that God does in you is Satan’s wager with God—behind it all is a battle” (“Only Loving God Is Truly Believing in God”). God’s words allowed me to realize: Now, it is a spiritual fight. Satan is using this thing to toy with me, causing me to suspect my husband and live in pain. However, God is also watching my heart and seeing whether I can practice His words and defeat Satan’s temptation. Satan wants to use this thing to harm me, so I have to choose to satisfy and can’t be fooled by it. If my husband has really done something to betray me, no matter how upset I am, what use will it be? If my husband is really bestowed upon me by God, then nobody can snatch him; if not, even if I watch him every day, I can’t keep him. I will give everything to God! When I thought like this, I fell asleep unknowingly.
The second day after I got up, I started to worry if he had an accident. With a deeply uneasy heart, I called him. He ashamedly said that he drank too much when he was with his clients last night and then slept at a hotel so that he didn’t call me. What’s more, he said he was sorry. Hearing his explanation, I felt that my suspicion was all unnecessary and simply Satan’s trickery and harm. It was just because I was too weak that I couldn’t overcome my flesh. But when I relied on God, He would comfort my heart, let me calm down and moreover reveal the truth, which made me have more faith to practice according to His words.
After this event, I quieted my heart and thought carefully again. Before, I personally thought that I had found the true love. Not until now did I see that the love between my husband and me was so fragile that it could easily collapse. I personally thought that I had paid much and I married him when he had nothing, so I thought it was deserved that he treated me well and that he couldn’t do anything that wasn’t right. When he betrayed me, I just couldn’t accept it, thinking: I have never disdained you, but you actually dared to treat me like this. Even if he apologized and repented, I was estranged from him all the time and unable to believe him, living in suspicion and pain. I had seen that my love for him also had impurities and conditions. Now, I should look at it from another perspective: Now, if he still remains connected to that woman and hobnobs with her, then it will be forgivable that I suspect and guard against him; but this event has passed so long and he also no longer interacts with that woman, so I need to learn to forgive him and I shouldn’t live in suspicion all long, which not only afflicts myself but harms others. As a matter of fact, my husband is also a victim. That he overstepped the bounds is the result of Satan’s corruption. Just as God’s word says, “Satan uses these social trends to lure people one step at a time into a nest of devils, so that people caught up in social trends unknowingly advocate money and material desires, as well as advocate wickedness and violence. Once these things have entered man’s heart, what then does man become? Man becomes the devil Satan! This is because of what psychological leaning in the heart of man? What does man advocate? Man begins to like wickedness and violence. They do not like beauty or goodness, much less peace. People are not willing to live the simple life of normal humanity, but instead wish to enjoy high status and great wealth, to revel in the pleasures of the flesh, sparing no effort to satisfy their own flesh, with no restrictions, no bonds to hold them back, in other words doing whatever they desire. … In this way, man becomes more and more what? More and more evil, arrogant, condescending, selfish, and malicious. There is no longer any affection between people, no longer any love between family members, no longer any understanding between relatives and friends; human relations have become full of cheating, full of violence” (“God Himself, the Unique VI”). Satan just uses the evil trends to seduce and corrupt man. Now, having affairs, being a mistress for a rich man and having a concubine all become trends and many people are swept up in them. They fall into all kinds of enticements and temptations, can’t extricate themselves, and can only sin involuntarily, becoming increasingly degenerated and evil. The reason why my husband overstepped the bounds was because he was also involuntary. What was remarkable was that he didn’t degenerate thoroughly nor did he abandon our family. So, I should open my heart and start afresh with my life. At that time, my heart was set free, which made me even more feel grateful to God. If God had not saved me, my marriage would surely not have been maintained, and I could not have forgiven my husband at all and could only have lived under endless suffering and been tortured. I really dared not imagine what I would be in the end.
Experiencing several ruffles, I put my suspicion about my husband down through praying to God again and again. Under the guidance of God’s words, I learned to stand in another’s shoes, and I revealed less and less suspicion. I no longer checked his phone secretly or asked his movements and the home atmosphere was no longer embarrassed and grim. Once, when our family dined, my husband said to them significantly, “She has changed!” Hearing his such approval, I knew it was God’s word that changed me and allowed me to live out the manner of a proper person. Thank God for allowing me to get over my husband’s betrayal, and saving my family from breaking apart. All the glory be to Almighty God!