Hello! I am a rather plain girl and speak with people in a very straightforward manner, and don’t know how to please others. Among the brothers and sisters in my family, I am the most inferior, so my parents don’t care about me very much. When I was at school, my grades were nothing special, only average, and thus the teachers and classmates didn’t pay much attention to me. After I work, I am still ignored by my colleagues. Therefore, I feel very inferior, and always complain that why I am always inferior to others and left out in the cold. I feel especially lonely in my heart. So I have a question: How to resolve the inferiority complex produced from being ignored or despised by others?
Hello! I understand your present feelings. In the past, I was also an inferior girl. I have two sisters. The elder is beautiful and capable, and the younger is clever and lovely. Yet I, as a plain Jane and introvert between them, was ignored by my family. I always felt I was redundant in my family. At school, I was a girl with average grades and ordinary appearance, and I had nothing special among my classmates, so nobody would pay attention to my existence. When I worked in a mall, all of my colleagues were silver-tongued, while I was slow in speech, so my achievement was always lower than them. When I was with my friends, they, dolled up with makeup, usually talked about the popular trends and laughed, while I always couldn’t keep up with them and was left alone. They laughed at me and said I was Ultraman (a transliteration for the words “out man”, meaning out-dated rubes) … Since I was young, I had felt very inferior because I couldn’t always obtain others’ attention. I envied others and was more and more dissatisfied with my appearance, living in pain.
Everyone Is Unique in the Eyes of God
When I lived in the feelings of inferiority and got depressed day by day, I accepted God’s. I read God’s words: “All things created by God, including those which could move and those which could not, such as birds and fish, such as trees and flowers, and including the livestock, insects, and wild animals made on the sixth day—they were all good with God, and, furthermore, in the eyes of God, these things, in accordance with His plan, had all attained the acme of perfection, and had reached the standards that God wished to achieve. … As the miraculous deeds of God manifested themselves, this world swelled, piece by piece, with all of the things created by God, and it changed from chaos and darkness into clarity and brightness, from deathly stillness to liveliness and limitless vitality. Among all things of creation, from the great to the small, from the small to the microscopic, there was none which was not created by the authority and power of the Creator, and there was a unique and inherent necessity and value to the existence of each creature. Regardless of the differences in their shape and structure, they had but to be made by the Creator to exist under the authority of the Creator. Sometimes people will see an insect, one which is very ugly, and they will say, ‘That insect is so horrible, there’s no way such an ugly thing could have been made by God—there’s no way He would create something so ugly.’ What a foolish view! What they should say is, ‘Though this insect is so ugly, it was made by God, and so it must have its own unique purpose.’ … In short, when it comes to all things, man should defer to the authority of the Creator, which is to say, defer to the order appointed by the Creator to all things; this is the wisest attitude. Only an attitude of searching for, and obedience to, the original intentions of the Creator is the true acceptance and certainty of the authority of the Creator. It is good with God, so what reason does man have to find fault?”
From God’s words I realized that every creature created by God has its value and significance to its existence. All of them are playing each of their roles under God’s sovereignty and are good in God’s eyes. All things created by God have each of their aptitudes. The taller ones have their value, while the shorter ones have their nimbleness. No matter a creature is tall or short, big or small, there is a unique value and purpose to its existence. Various creatures show forth the Creator’s authority and wisdom and make the world more beautiful.
Though all of us are different in appearance, caliber, personality, speciality, and ability, yet in the eyes of God, we are all the best and we each have our own special sides, responsibilities and missions. God hopes that all of us could submit to His sovereignty and arrangements, follow the path of life that God has set for us, perform our respective roles, and fulfill our respective function for the Creator. Only at that time did I realize that I was fooling myself with the thought that I am so ordinary and common that nobody would pay attention to me, and thus felt inferior and depressed. Actually, there is value and significance to my existence in the eyes of God.
Looking For the Root of Inferiority
I am so grateful for God’s guidance that I found the root cause of my feeling of inferiority. One day, I read God’s words: “Under the driving force of a corrupt satanic disposition, what are people’s ideals, hopes, ambitions, and life goals and directions? Aren’t they contrary to positive things? Firstly, people always want to be stars, famous people, or famous actors. Are these positive things? They wish to gain great fame and prestige, to bring honor to their ancestors, which is not at all in line with positive things. In addition, this runs counter to the law of God’s rule over mankind’s fate.”
In the beginning, God let us human live on the earth, and hoped we could worship Him on the earth and live out the likeness of a true man to glorify Him and manifest Him. However, after we human were corrupted by Satan, we no longer listened to His words and obeyed Him. The living rules of Satan have become the foundation of our existence and the principles of our actions. Thinking of that from an early age, we had been influenced and infected by Satan’s poison such as “rising above others,” “family prestige,” and “As a tree lives with its bark, a man lives with his face,” and thus we pursue to be famous people, great figures, and heroes, and hope that we can fill the bill supereminence and be thought highly of and admired. When we feel that we cannot be under the limelight or stand out, we begin to have negative emotions, and thus we feel inferior and dark, as if our lives were discolored.
Thinking of that since I was young, I had been pursuing perfection and to realize my own value, unwilling to be ignored and despised by others. So when I was left out in the cold and not be thought highly of, my heart was filled with complaints and I was dissatisfied with my appearance and character given by God, and not willing to submit to His orchestration and arrangement. In the end, I fell into the feeling of inferiority and lived in pain and depression. Not until that moment did I realize that the root cause of my feeling of inferiority is not my ordinary appearance or the lowly origin, but that I had paid so much attention to my position in others’ hearts—I had always pursued to be looked up to and admired by them and regarded it as the value and significance of my living. After understanding these, I prayed to God and wished Him to guide me to find the path of resolving the inferiority complex.
The Path to Resolve Inferiority
Later, I saw God’s words saying: “What kind of person does God want? Is it someone who is great, a celebrity, a noble person, a world-shaking person? Is that the kind of person that God wants? (No.) So what kind of person does God want, then? Tell Me. (Someone with their feet firmly on the ground, who is a worthy creature.) Aha, so someone with their feet firmly on the ground who pursues to be a worthy creature, who can fulfill a creature’s duty. This is one part of it. What else? (Someone who fears God and shuns evil.)” “You must learn how to walk, and how to walk steadily, one step at a time. If you can walk, then walk; do not try to learn how to run. If you can walk one step at a time, then do not try to take two steps at a time. You must be a person with your feet firmly on the ground. Do not try to be superhuman, great, or lofty.”
Thinking back, over these years I had been pursuing to tower above others, to get ahead, and to stand out. I regarded all of these as my pursuit in life and falsely thought that if I could be looked up to by people around me, my life would be the most valuable. Now I have understood through God’s words that how absurd this kind of outlook on life is. Even if a person has an attractive appearance and high status, and he is outstanding among people, if he doesn’t come before God to worship Him or know His almightiness and sovereignty, nor does he know the meaning of life, he cannot be approved by God at all and his life is meaningless.
The missions God bestows upon us are different, and they are also different in demonstration. Thus, I think of myself, though I am ordinary and common and not eloquent and without any special talents, I can use words to express God’s love for us and bear testimony to many of His wondrous deeds for more people. Isn’t this the mission God bestows upon me? Think about Job. When he lost his great fortune, livestock all over the mountains, and his children, and when he even used a potsherd to scrape away the sore boils sitting among the ashes, he did not care how his friends and family saw him but pursued to fear God and shun evil and never sinned with his lips to offend God or said hurtful words about God. At last he was approved by God. If one could obtain the Creator’s approval, isn’t his life the most valuable and meaningful?
After I understood, I felt my mindset changed a lot. With a thankful heart, I began to accept the ordinariness God gave me and no longer pursued to be looked up to by others. I am willing to pursue the truth, live by God’s words, and be a person who truly obeys God and worships God with my feet firmly on the ground. When I learn to let go of my wrong views of life, though I am still insignificant among people and sometimes looked down upon by others, I am no longer as concerned as before about what I could gain or lose. I know the things I should truly pursue and my life value won’t change, whether others look up to me or look down upon me. I am willing to seek the living out of the manner in which a Christian should behave to comfort God’s heart. When I practiced like this, gradually the inferiority complex in me was resolved and I felt released and free.
Sister Xiaowei, I have shared my experiences with you, which I hope can help you a little. If you have other problems, please write to us, and then we can seek and fellowship together. May we all rely on God and look to Him, and pay more attention to practicing and experiencing His words. I believe you can resolve the inferiority complex under God’s guidance like me. At that moment, you will surely taste the peace and joy God gives you when you live according to His words and feel that God is guiding us by our side at every moment. All the glory be to God!
Xiaoyu, Spiritual Q&A