Facing the Pain of Breaking Up, I’m Not Alone

By Qianqian, Burma

I was born in Burma. My family was very poor and both my brothers were layabouts from childhood. At the age of 14, I worked away from home, but was tricked into another city by human traffickers. When I realized it, I tried every way and eluded the hand of them. Soon afterward, I borrowed a cell phone from a policeman and called my friend to pick me up at the train station. After that, I called good heavens time and time again to protect me from being ensnared by the traffickers. I hid out on a train and neither ate nor drank, even dared not eat food bought by the police. After three days’ waiting, I was fetched by my friend. The first time I felt the perilous of this world, I was secretly determined in my heart: When I grow up, I’ll marry a good man. And so, I could no longer need to be wandering about as I was now. Meanwhile, I also dreamed to be together with my partner and live peacefully all life long.

In 2015, I first met a soldier on Wechat. By chatting with each other, our relationship grew closer and closer. I ascertained that he was honest and reliable as well as considerate to others. So I promised to marry him from my heart. Half a year later, we met and then he went to my home to see my parents. However, they thought this man unreliable and worried that he might betray me one day, so they persuaded me to think it over. But I believed the vows of love he made to me, so I responded firmly, “He’s not what you think. He will truly love me.” After returning to my work place, I phoned my parents several times and tearfully pleaded with them to agree to our marriage. At last, they gave up. And so, I began to formally associate with my boyfriend and I was engaged to him two years later. For the sake of our future happy life, we rented a room and opened a grocery store. I was in charge of the business, while he was still in the army.

Young and immature, I was dazzled by love, blindly believing “Love is supreme, marriage is invaluable,” but failing to see clearly that love was a game and was changeable. One weekend, my boyfriend phoned me and said he would come to see me the next day, and then I looked forward to the moment to meet him. Unexpectedly, in the evening my brother phoned me and asked me to keep the track of my boyfriend. He said that he just saw my boyfriend had arrived in our city and stayed with a woman. To my heart I didn’t believe my boyfriend would do such a thing, so I replied to my brother confidently, “It’s impossible. He will arrive tomorrow.” But he still answered me in certainty. That evening, I continued to call my boyfriend many times, but he didn’t pick up my phone as he used to. The thought of his abnormal behavior threw me into a panic. At nine o’clock the next morning, he came. I asked him whether he arrived in the city yesterday. He denied at once and even swore on it. From his expression, however, I could tell he was lying. I began to confirm my suspicions about him: Did my brother tell the truth? Did my boyfriend really have an inappropriate relationship with that woman? I then said angrily, “If you are seeing someone behind my back, let’s break up.” But he disagreed with that, and shortly afterward, he went back to the army. His silent departure left me feeling hollow.

We didn’t call to each other for the next few days until one weekend morning when I came upon him. That day, I went shopping in a market and saw him sitting in a car with a woman. I intentionally phoned him, but he didn’t answer it. I was absolutely furious at it and hurried toward the car and tore open the door, questioning him why he cheated me. He said shamelessly, “Even if I was seeing someone, I never say I will forsake you.” This word was an obvious confession of his affair. I was sickened and fuming, feeling as if the sky fell. Oh, gosh! I had given him my true heart, and even my all, but I’d never expected that he was fooling my feeling. My heart was broken at that point. Frustration, sorrow and indignation all welled up in my heart at the same time. Then I roared to him, “Go to take away your stuff. Don’t come looking for me.” Having spoken, I left in a rage. After I returned home, I could no longer stop my bitter tears from gushing out. I really wanted to have a good cry to unburden the resentment within my heart against him. I felt so agonized that I had no idea what to do but simply snatched beer to pour it in to numb the pain. I drank bottle after bottle, until I became unconscious. When I wake up, I found myself lying on a bed in the medical ward. It turned out that my younger sister sent me here. Seeing I woke up, she said to me pityingly, “Sister, how come you suffer this? Don’t do that again.” I sensed that I overstepped the mark and also brought trouble to my relatives. So I answered, “OK.”

After I came back home, pain and isolation both filled my heart again and I started to hate my boyfriend and the woman. At the thought of the scene they were staying together, my heart wrenched; but I couldn’t control myself from thinking of that. Helpless, I went to buy the sleeping pills in the pharmacy to hypnotize myself, but I didn’t get any. Then I had to continue drowning my troubles in drink; or I used my cell phone to play gambling on the Internet, though losing three thousand yuan within two days but paying no heed at all. Sometimes, I would run out alone and didn’t go home for several days. I thought: Anyway, it is miserable to live. So whether I starve to death or die of thirst, it doesn’t matter. And at other times, I thought of looking for another man to revenge myself on my boyfriend. Ultimately, I still dared not to take that step but only to torture myself to the point that I slid back into the abyss of degeneration and decadent by the day. In this way, I became mired in defeat and completely lost the courage to live.

Just when I lost my way, God’s hand of salvation fell upon me. One day, my cousin Xiaoting asked me to go to my aunt’s house for relaxation, where I got to know two friends of Xiaoting. We chatted with each other and then a little sister asked me, “Sister, I heard Xiaoting say that your mood is not good. We both are Xiaoting’s friends and believe in God. You may take us as your friend. If you have any trouble, pour it out and see whether we could help you.” As I believed the existence of the Old Man in the Sky from my childhood, I thought: Isn’t the God they believe exactly the Old Man in the Sky? I had curiosity about it at once, and then I told them my thoughts and the painful breakup with my boyfriend. The little sister said, “Yes, the Old Man in the Sky you spoke of is just the one true God we believe in. He is the Creator and Ruler of the entire universe and all things. We mankind were also created by God, and our fate is also in His hands and decided by God, including the home we were born into, our marriage, our courses in life and our last outcome and destination.” Upon hearing that it is God who presides over and arranges everyone’s fate, my heart was immediately captured and I was excited to hear something more about God.

And then, they showed me a video called God Rescued Me From the Abyss. The heroine in the video was an atheist. She made a living with her husband and finally became a famous entrepreneur in the local place. When she gained wealth and status, her husband started to live in debauchery. At last, their company was bankrupt and her husband divorced from her. She possessed nothing and reached the lowest point in her life so that she almost lost courage to live. The heroine’s experience deeply attracted me because my life was also in a real mess and I was in the state of being cheated and betrayed by my boyfriend, so I was eager to know how she walked out of the bitter abyss. Then I continued watching and saw that the main character accepted God’s work of the last days. From God’s word, she got the answer to life, obtained the knowledge that God decides everyone’s fate and marriage, that everything is from the rule of God and His arrangements, and that man can hardly control all by relying on themselves. Since then, her life was changed.

What touched me most was such a section of word in the video, “The solitary soul comes from the distance, seeking the past and exploring the future. Bitterly it struggles, pursues its dreams. Nobody can tell from where it comes, and where it goes. It was born in weeping and disappeared in despair, enduring being trampled. Your arrival ends the wandering, bitter life. It sees the hope, and welcomes the morning light. Taking a look in the gloom, dimly it sees Your image. That is Your light. Yesterday it drifted in a strange place, today it finds its home. Having been ruined, it is without human likeness. Lament the life, like an empty dream. Your arrival ends the wandering, bitter life. There shall be no wandering, nor confusion any more. I have come back home. I have seen Your white clothes and Your light. How many times the round returns, and how many times we are waiting for You—Almighty God. Your coming makes the solitary soul sad no more. It has found its direction-the millennial dream” (Follow the Lamb and Sing New Songs). I was dissolved into tears while listening to the words. I felt I was just like the solitary soul which was wandering in the world, struggling for, seeking and pursuing love bitterly in order to get a beautiful and happy marriage. But in the end, it came to naught. And I lost my courage to live and began to destroy myself and torture myself, thus causing myself degenerate, decadent and ruined … The little sister said with emotion, “The misfortune of the main character represents many people’s experience. Before we know there is a God and before we can obey His sovereignty, we all think our fate is in our own hands, and that we can control everything through our own wish and efforts, and we also think our marriage and family are chosen by ourselves. For this reason, we all spare no pains to strive by our own ability. In the end, through arguing and struggling, not only had we not realized our dreams, but, on the contrary, we are tormented to exhaustion, and even ruin our prospects. By contrast, if we are able to know the Creator, obey His sovereignty and arrangement, and rely on Him, we will live happily, delivered from Satan’s affliction and exempted from suffering brought by this evil world.” After hearing her words, I felt relieved and regretful. To my regret, it was too late for me to know God that I’d struggled for everything by my own power but got only sorrow in return. And to my joy, I could hear the message of God’s salvation today. It was really a bittersweet feeling for me. I expected that God can change my fate and lead me to shake off pain in my life.

And then, the little sister read a passage of God’s word to me, “The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along. He longs bitterly, waiting for a response without an answer. His watching is priceless and is for the heart and the spirit of humans. Perhaps this watching is indefinite, and perhaps this watching is at its end. But you should know exactly where your heart and spirit are now.” Every sentence of God’s word moved me, as if God was calling me, who was far from God’s house, to come back home as my parent was. Although I was drifting outside and suffering all torment and wounds, God doesn’t shun me, the wanderer with wounds all over, and makes me hear His call today. The first time I taste the concern and mercy from the Creator. Then The little sister said, “God is full of love and salvation to us. He is unwilling to see that we are living in pain. He wants to save us. Sister, do you want to listen to God’s word and gain His salvation? If you do, come and believe in God. For He is the unique God Himself.” I blurted out impulsively, “I do.”

And so, I accepted God’s work of the last days. From that day on, I frequently attend meetings and read God’s word with my brothers and sisters. Under the supplying of God’s word and its watering and feeding, my mood improved each day, and I gradually recovered from my disappointment in love and came out of the painful lows. I regained the faith and courage for living and saw the brilliant path of life ahead.

Later, I saw another section of God’s word: “When someone goes into society now, do they encounter many temptations? Temptation is everywhere, and evil trends are filled with temptation. All manner of speech, views, ideologies, all the different lures and demonic countenances of all the different people—to you, all is temptation. If you have no truth equipped within you, if you have no real stature, if you are unable to see through these things, then to you they will all be pitfalls and temptations. … and watch a soap opera—a touching and romantic Korean TV series—and you cry like one with a broken heart, with runny nose and tearful eyes, and you cry for as long as the program goes on. … and you think, “When will I fall in love? A love filled with passion. It would mean my life would not have been lived in vain. I’ve got to this age and still haven’t tasted love.” You see, your views have changed after just two episodes of a soap opera. What do you think of this? … This is temptation and people cannot stand it, they cannot see through it, and they can be taken captive by Satan anytime, anywhere; people’s statures are this immature, this pitiful. Because you don’t have the reality of the truth and don’t understand the truth, all this satanic speech, these things, are all a dose of poison to you, once inside, you cannot get rid of it.” God’s word is too practical: The present age is indeed a dazzling world fraught with temptation and enticements. If we don’t believe in God or lack the truth, we will have no discernment and will only follow it blindly. Take me as an example, I particularly used to love watching the romance films and trust such sayings as “Love is supreme, marriage is priceless” and “Stay married forever, and grow old together,” as a result, I was hoodwinked by Satan’s lies, and this had almost throttled even my whole life. Today, it is God who has brought me to His house, saved me from the bondage and affliction of the evil trend and guided me to walk upon the proper path of life. I deeply thank God for His salvation to me, and I desire to follow Him all my life.

Welcome to Share!
The Covenant of Rainbow

In “Rainbow Covenant”, collects true experiences of Christians bearing testimony for God: various articles and videos about family life, social life, and perception of life as well as the testimonies of new believers overcoming the temptation of Satan. They are all testifying about God’s love and salvation to the world.


Also Read:

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *