By Anxin, Spain
We all want our family to be happy, our conjugal relationship to be harmonious and our children to be well-behaved and clever. However, often times, things are not how we would like them to be. Countless marriages have broken up because of the betrayal of one or both partners. Facing this situation, we are often totally helpless and unable to do anything and can only struggle painfully in the stress. At one time, I had endured this pain and lost the direction to my life and it was God’s wonderful salvation that delivered me from the pain.
I originally had a harmonious family: My husband showed the utmost care and consideration for me and my two children were clever and lovely. At that time, I thought I was the happiest one in the world. Later, my husband contracted for a project in the city. Who would have thought that after the completion of the project, the construction boss made off with all the money. So we were under a heavy debt overnight. Being hounded by the creditors, my husband had no choice but to go out to avoid the debts. And I grew local crops to support my family. Though my life was difficult, I thought that as long as we loved each other and strove hard together for this family, one day our life would become better.
This continued until one day after four years, a very close friend of mine said to me, “You are so silly! All you know is to do things as the ox but you don’t know your husband has already had another woman outside.” I couldn’t dare to believe it and said, “Are you kidding? My husband won’t do that.” She told me very seriously that it was real and also told me what had happened and that people in my village all had known it except me. Hearing her words, I felt I was given a head-on blow and it was unbearable for me, a kind of feeling of shame welling up in my heart. Repeatedly, I consoled myself, “That’s impossible! Impossible!” But I couldn’t stop my tears from flowing. I was filled with confusion: How could he do this to me? I painstakingly take care of my two children at home, support this family and pay my all for him but I never thought that all of these have been exchanged for his betrayal. The more I thought, the more I felt pained and helpless: What should I do in the future? And what about my children?
One day, my son said to me, “I don’t want to go to school anymore.” I asked him surprisingly, “Why?” He said painfully, “I’ve known what my dad has done. My schoolmates ridiculed me and I don’t want to face their gazes. What’s more, our family doesn’t have enough money and I also don’t want to see you are so hard. I’ve decided that I won’t go to school.” Hearing his words, I couldn’t help but cry bitterly. I had never thought that my husband’s betrayal actually brought such a great harm to my children. I was full of anger: All of these are caused by my husband and that woman. Since you don’t leave me be, I’ll do the same for you. Therefore, I went to the city, intending to find that woman and perish with her. However, I had tried several times but failed to find her. At that time, I felt tortured inside and was exhausted, having no place to vent my resentment and grievance. I found it so painful to live. In desperation, I took a lot of sleeping pills to end my life.
When I woke up, I had lain in a hospital bed. My two children said in tears, “Mom, don’t leave us.” Seeing them, I couldn’t express my pain within: O Heavens! Why is my life so difficult? Why do I even not have the right to die? After I was discharged from the hospital, I left home in search of work to support my family. Every time when I saw houses all lit up in the evening, with people staying with their families, I couldn’t help recalling my two miserable and lonely children and then I would go elsewhere to cry secretly.
Afterward, from a fortuitous opportunity a sister preached God’s kingdomto me. I saw God’s word, “The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along. He longs bitterly, waiting for a response without an answer. His watching is priceless and is for the heart and the spirit of humans. Perhaps this watching is indefinite, and perhaps this watching is at its end. But you should know exactly where your heart and spirit are now.” Every sentence of God’s words warmed my heart. I thought back on these years: Facing my husband’s betrayal and my broken family, I was already exhausted and debilitated by these and lived painfully and depressingly. Turned out that God had never abandoned me, He was waiting for me to turn back, and hoped that I could return to His home early. Tasting God’s love, I, like a prodigal son who returned his mother’s embrace, was so moved that tears were running down my face. Afterward, I attended meetings, read God’s words and sang hymns to praise God together with this sister. Little by little, my heart was no longer empty and painful as before and a smile appeared on my face again.
However, I was still brooding over my husband’s betrayal and bore him a grudge. This thing was like a thorn which was pricking my heart; the moment I thought of it, I would still feel a dull pain. Until one day, I saw a passage of God’s word, “Satan uses one of these social trends after another to corrupt man’s what? (Conscience, reason, humanity, morals.) What else? (Man’s view on life.) Do they cause a gradual degeneration in people? (Yes.) Satan uses these social trends to lure people one step at a time into a nest of devils, so that people caught up in social trends unknowingly advocate money and material desires, as well as advocate wickedness and violence. Once these things have entered man’s heart, what then does man become? Man becomes the devil Satan! This is because of what psychological leaning in the heart of man? What does man advocate? Man begins to like wickedness and violence. They do not like beauty or goodness, much less peace. People are not willing to live the simple life of normal humanity, but instead wish to enjoy high status and great wealth, to revel in the pleasures of the flesh, sparing no effort to satisfy their own flesh, with no restrictions, no bonds to hold them back, in other words doing whatever they desire. … In this way, man becomes more and more what? More and more evil, arrogant, condescending, selfish, and malicious. There is no longer any affection between people, no longer any love between family members, no longer any understanding between relatives and friends; human relations have become full of cheating, full of violence.” After reading God’s words, I understood that Satan uses social trends to lure people one step at a time into a nest of devils so that they fall into a morass of viciousness and are afflicted and swallowed by it. Therefore the society nowadays becomes darker and darker and more and more degenerate and people’s morals and integrity become ever more lowly: They all become selfish and self-interested and lust for wealth; having extra-marital affairs, being a mistress for a rich man and having a concubine all become trends; there is no familial affection and care between people. They just casually indulge their flesh in order to fulfill their own selfish desires, without any conscience and sense, causing so many families to break apart. At that moment, I came to know that all of these stem from Satan’s evil trends having poisoned people and led them onto the road to ruin. I recalled that originally my husband was a man who kept his place and was dutiful. But because he was poisoned by the evil trend “The red flag at home does not fall, the colored flags outside flutter in the breeze,” he found a mistress outside regardless of whether my children and I would live or die, becoming cold and unfeeling, without a shred of humanity. Wasn’t he who became like this a victim of this evil trend? Wasn’t all the pain my family had suffered the result of Satan’s harm? Satan was the arch-criminal! Thinking of this, I felt relieved a lot and no longer hated him as before. Instead, I felt sympathy and pity for him, as he was living in Satan’s harm without being aware of it.
Later, I saw another passage of God’s word, “Whenever Satan corrupts man or engages in unbridled harm, God does not stand idly by, neither does He brush aside or turn a blind eye to those He has chosen. All that Satan does is perfectly clear and understood by God. No matter what Satan does, no matter what trend it causes to arise, God knows all that Satan is trying to do, and God does not give up on those He has chosen. Instead, without attracting any attention, secretly, silently, God does everything that is necessary. When He begins work on someone, when He has chosen someone, He does not proclaim it to anyone, nor does He proclaim it to Satan, much less make any grand gesture. He just very quietly, very naturally does what is necessary. … The most important thing that God has to do is to guarantee your safety, to guarantee that you will not be devoured by Satan.” Every sentence of God’s word touched my heart. Though Satan causes to arise evil trends to corrupt and harm man so that man no longer resembles man, God sees right through what it has done. He doesn’t ignore them, but instead, He silently kept me, watched over me, made sure I was not swallowed by this evil trend and meticulously guaranteed my safety. I thought back: When I knew that my husband had betrayed me, I was full of unwillingness and hatred and even wanted to perish with that woman. It was because of God’s marvelous protection that I didn’t embark on a road of no return; when I had despaired of my life and taken a lot of sleeping pills to end my life, it was God who saved me from being dying. At that time, I came to understand that though Satan corrupted and harmed me so much, God was at my elbow at all times, watching over and protecting me. And moreover, He took me to His house so that I could enjoy His word which allowed me to discern and see through the evil trends Satan caused to arise and know the reality of mankind’s corruption by Satan. God also gave me an opportunity to pursue the truth,and enter into the kingdom of heaven. Tasting God’s love and salvation for me, I was moved to tears, so I got down on my knees and prayed to God: “O God! Thank you for bringing me before You. It was You who saved me from Satan’s harm and allowed me to come to Your house and enjoy Your compassion, mercy, care and protection. Oh God, it was You who allowed me to find my life direction and hope. I’m willing to properly pursue the truth, live up to Your salvation for me, entrust the second half of my life to You and start a new life.”