So arrogant am I that I was unwilling to stay in the village all my life and live a boring life, sweating only for food and clothing. I had a burning ambition, eager to be a career woman. I liked the feeling of being on top of the world and energetically talking about my entrepreneurship to my employees. Thinking of this, my heart had already flown out of this field. I had a firm belief that as long as I worked hard, I’d carve out a niche of my own.
After graduating from junior high school, I started working with my dream and started a new journey. Every day I shuttled through the streets of the city. Wherever there was more money, I would go. I dare not slack and neglect it in the slightest and didn’t give myself the opportunity to gasp. During that period, I set up stalls in the street, worked as a waiter, a printer apprentice… Finally I had to go home because of SARS.
But my dream never stopped. I could not go far, so I found a job in a dry cleaner’s near my home, struggling hard to make money. The boss, who noticed that I was smart and diligent, treated me as his daughter and asked me to run the business. I was pleasantly surprised, looking forward to becoming a boss one day. Since then, I worked harder from dawn to dusk, exhausted. With time going on, I mastered all the skills, but only made little money. Even I couldn’t afford half the transfer costs. Disheartened, I had to resign and return home.
Not long after I returned home, my aunt spread theto me. She showed me the CD of “Genesis” and “Noah’s Ark”, telling me God created man and that the destiny of man is in the hands of God. She also told me that only by worshiping God, can we have a bright future. However, I turned my back on what she said, because I believed that my fate was in my own hands. As long as I worked hard, I would surely make a fortune. Since she was an elder, I just unwillingly listened.
In January 2006, my best friend asked me if I’d like to work with her in a bus company. Knowing I could make more money, I was excited and agreed happily. After working for a few months, I finally earned the first big sum of money in my life. Holding the money in my hands, I felt extremely happy, thinking: As long as I work hard like this, I’ll make enough money to open my own store.
Just as I was full of passion and enthusiasm, a car accident broke my dream. Hit by a motorcycle, I lost a few teeth, my mouth was full of blood, and my legs could not move. The driver ran away after hitting me. But fortunately for me, a good Samaritan rushed me to the hospital, so I lived. Not only did I use up all of my money, but also my parents had to pay some money for me. Every time thinking of the plan falling through again, I felt pain. I felt swallowed up by sorrow and I could only vent with tears …
During that time, my aunt came to take care of me and told me that the whole universe is in the hands of God, not to mention us people. What kind of destiny do we have in life, rich or poor? It has been predestined by God and cannot be changed by our hard work… Unintentionally, aunt said such a sentence: “Alas, heart is strong but not life. If the money doesn’t belong to you, you cannot spend even if you earn it.” This sentence touched my heart, but I was unwilling to face the reality, still firmly believing that I could create a bright future with my hands.
A few months later, after I was discharged from the hospital, although I could only walk on one foot, I still gritted my teeth and found a job with a limp everywhere, without the delay of a single minute or second. My parents were concerned about my health and tried to persuade me to rest for some time, but I replied, “Chance favors only the prepared mind. Only when I take the initiative can I have a good future.” Whatever my parents said could not change my mind, so they had to let me go. Later, a friend recommended me a job at a beauty salon. The base salary was not high, but as long as I persuaded the customer to consume in the store, I would get a commission. During this period, I racked my brain to curry favor with the customers, obsequious and fawning in front of them. I just hope my destiny can be quickly changed. After a month, I did earn lots of money, but the life of being a lapdog every day really wore me out. I could not help but ask myself: When will such a day come to an end? When will I realize my dream of becoming a boss?
In the blink of an eye, I was old enough to get married. After marriage, I expanded the store, my husband responsible for haircut and I responsible for facial. I thought my life would turned better from then on, but I was wrong. Shortly after our marriage, my younger brother went astray and was sent to the jail. In order to bail him out, my husband and I gave all our savings to my parents. At the same time, my daughter was born, so much more money was needed. During the first month after giving birth, I didn’t have a good rest and couldn’t wait to contact the customer by telephone, and ask my husband to deliver the beauty products. To add fuel to the fire, my husband kept coughing up blood and was diagnosed as tuberculosis. As a result, he had to close the shop and stayed at home to receive treatment. Without any income, we could only rely on my in-laws, but they were unwilling to give us a hand. Looking at my infant daughter, my sick husband, thinking of my sorrowful parents and my unforgiving in-laws, I felt I was falling into a deep pit, my heart sinking to the bottom. I was full of confusion: What should I do? The harder I work, the worse my life becomes. The more I pursue, the more I suffer. Why can’t I get what I want? Is my fate really not in my hands? Where is my future? Now, who can show me a way out? …
One day, I went back to my parents’ with a miserable face. My aunt saw my pain and read me a passage of God’s words: “From the moment you come crying into this world, you begin to perform your duty. You assume your role in the plan of God and in the ordination of God. You begin the journey of life. Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” “without the care, keeping, and provision of God, man cannot receive all that he was meant to receive, no matter how great the effort or struggle…” (“God Is the Source of Man’s Life”) After listening, I realized: God has predetermined long in advance what family we are born into, poor or rich, what environment we grow up in, and what our future is. No one and nothing can be exempt from God’s arrangement, all unconsciously submitting to the sovereignty of God. Without the blessings of God, we would not get what we want no matter how hard we strive. This is an undeniable fact. Whether you are young or old, employed or unemployed, with ideals or not, it is Heaven’s law and earth’s principle to worship God. Thinking of myself, I want to be born in a wealthy family, but in an ordinary one; I have always worked hard to carve out a niche of my own, but nothing changed in the end. Now I am still back to square one. It seems that man’s destiny has nothing to do with ideals. When I understood this, my point of view came to change, and I was willing to read the word of God.
During the days I lived in my parents’, my aunt read God’s word and sang the hymns with me every day. One passage of God’s word left a deep impression on me, “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature? … The destination of man is in the hands of the Creator, so how could man control himself?” (“Restoring the Normal Life of Man and Taking Him to a Wonderful Destination”) Listening to the God’s words, I couldn’t help but think of my past: Under the erroneous view of “creating a bright future with my own hands”, I think as long as I work hard, I can get the key to a better life. To this end, I paid the price. I stepped into society at an early age, working hard to earn money without a stop. Even after the car accident, I continued to strive before a full recovery. After marriage, I still racked my brains to make more money. During these years, my nerves were frayed all the time. I often feel much pressure, and I have never experienced the beautiful happy hours the youth should have. However, neither has my life changed after my efforts, nor does my fate turn around. Instead, I was at my lowest point. I am so exhausted and miserable that I lose my motivation to live. Now, under the leadership of God’s word, I realized that so many years’ struggle against destiny is caused by the poisons of Satan. I have regarded this view as a positive thing. Therefore, I always did not accept my fate and satisfy with things as they stand, stubbornly resisting God and living in agony. In fact, our fate is in the hands of God. The amount of wealth in my life is determined by God and will not change in the slightest after my own efforts. Besides, God’s arrangements for man are the best. When I understood these, I was enlightened as if a light went on, and I was willing to experience with an obedient heart …
To my surprise, when I had a right attitude, my husband found a delivery job to support the family. In the next month, the boss was about to raise his salary when his relative called to say that a company was trying to recruit a driver. Although the salary was not high, it was a state corporation. Relatively speaking, this job was stable. He asked me for advice. It’s also a dilemma for me: If he continues the delivery job, he will get a pay rise and earn more money, while the job in the state corporation will be more stable. It’s really hard for me to make a choice. As I was wavering, I suddenly remembered God’s words，“Actively cooperate with God; letting Him take control is to walk with Him. All of our own ideas, notions and opinions, all of our secular entanglements, vanish into thin air like smoke. We let God reign in our spirits, walk with Him and gain transcendence, overcome the world, and our spirits fly free and attain release; these are the outcomes of Almighty God being King” (“The Second Utterance”). My heart was bright and clear: God has arranged everything, and my decision cannot play a key role. Since I cannot see through the good and bad, the only thing I can do is to forgo the plans and arrangements in my mind but to seek God’s intention and obey His sovereignty. So I quickly knelt down and prayed to God: “God, I am not sure what to do when it comes to my husband’s work. If this happened in the past, I would certainly give suggestions and ask him to follow my advice. But now I know the destiny of man is in Your hand, and what job he takes is also arranged by You. Today I am willing to put aside my own thoughts and put this matter in Your hand. Wherever You arrange for my husband to work, I’ll be obedient and I will never blame You even if there’s something wrong with his work later.” After my prayers, my heart was steadfast and told my husband frankly, “Do not have too much pressure, and just listen to your heart. No matter which job you choose, I’ll support you.” When I was willing to obey, the result was totally beyond my expectation. Three days later, a director of the state corporation told my husband: “If there is work outside, just do it. I will call you when you are needed. You don’t have to stay here all day.” My husband was very glad to hear that and told the delivery boss about it. The boss said, “You can continue working here. Basic salary plus commission. The more you deliver, the more you earn. When your company needs you, you can go and finish that first. If you’re free, come over and do the delivery.” My husband happily told me that he had got an unexpected help. But it is clear in my heart that this is the act of God. What is impossible in man is possible in God. This shows God’s wisdom and omnipotence. God dominates all people, things, and matters and He is the only One we can rely on. That was the first time I had obeyed the Creator in my life, and I felt so safe and secure. Of course, my obedience to God’s sovereignty brought me more than these blessings. Six months later, my husband miraculously recovered from the illness. Doctors had told us that my husband had to take medicine for two years. But we were suffering financial hardship, and even didn’t have enough money for food and clothing, let alone medicine. This makes me see more clearly that “a bright future” is not created with my own hands, but in the hands of God. Only by worshiping God and submitting to His sovereignty and arrangements, will we have a bright future.
Before the facts, I see how ignorant and ridiculous my previous thoughts and pursuit were. I have always resisted God’s sovereignty, staggering and tottering to make such a big detour. Now I finally understand that man is a creature, and that fate is in the hands of God. Without God’s blessings, no matter how great your ideals and goals are, and how strong your will is, you would eventually end in failure. It is God’s salvation that has ended my painful life. I am willing to accept God as my Lord, my God, and entrust everything into His hands.
Thank God! All the glory be to God!
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