By Li Zhongxin, Italy
“Xixi, you’ve been learning drawing for a long time. But you can’t actually draw anything. I painstakingly support you to learn drawing, but you don’t put your heart into it. You’ve really wasted my painstaking efforts.”
“Xixi. Do your homework carefully. If you can’t receive full marks, you’re not allowed to watch TV or play.”
Xixi said in a sad voice: “You’re a bad mother. Every day, you have me do so many tasks that I have no time to have fun. I’ve never seen such a mother like you.”
Conferring Her Wish Upon Her Daughter
Zhongxin’s family had been intellectuals for generations. When she was a child, she often heard her parents saying that her grandfather had exceptional talent and was known by many people, and that he went out or returned home in a large palanquin carried by four bearers, which allowed him to be very well-regarded by others. Whenever Zhongxin heard this, she extremely admired her grandfather. Thus, she resolved to study hard to become brilliant and well-known like her grandfather. This way, she could stand out and would bring glory to the family name. But things went contrary to her wishes. Zhongxin failed the high school entrance exam and thus her dream was shattered. She was devastated by such a result and felt great pain. After getting married, Zhongxin projected her hope onto her daughter, Xixi, in order for her to continue to achieve her unrealized desire.
To let Xixi receive a high-level education, Zhongxin sent her to kindergarten when she was very young. Besides, Zhongxin also taught her to read and write at home and bought some pictorial books for her from the bookstore. In the beginning, seeing that she carefully learned to write and had neat writing, Zhongxin was very happy and thought: “My daughter likes to write and read. I will certainly nurture her.”
Leading to Her Daughter Turning Against Her Due to High Demands
After a period of time, when Zhongxin saw her colleagues send their children to art classes, such as dancing, English and drawing, she sent her daughter to learn to draw. But Xixi was not interested in drawing at all, so after a few classes, she didn’t give her mind to it, nor did she do homework. Finally, she was absolutely unwilling to draw with a brush in her hand. Seeing her like this, Zhongxin got really angry and said: “I painstakingly support you to learn to draw, but you don’t put your heart into it. You can’t draw anything after learning for a long time. My painstaking efforts are in vain.”
Afterward, when Xixi attended drawing classes Zhongxin started to supervise her at her side. Whenever she saw her daughter didn’t learn carefully, she would lecture and blame her. Seeing this, Zhongxin’s mother-in-law had pity on Xixi and angrily said to Zhongxin: “Xixi is so young. You let her learn drawing. And you put so much pressure on her. Who educates his child like you? How can she bear so much pressure at such a young age? How can you make her suffer this?” Hearing these words, Zhongxin felt angry and wronged. She thought to herself: “Isn’t my so-doing for her own good. She is my daughter. Seeing her having so much pressure, I also feel sorry for her. But if I didn’t do that, how can she be talented?” She saw her daughter indeed didn’t want to learn to draw, so she didn’t allow her daughter to go to art class.
Though no more letting Xixi learn drawing, Zhongxin never relaxed her demands of her studies. When Xixi was in first grade, Zhongxin accompanied her studying as soon as she got off work. Besides homework, Xixi had to finish some extra exercises in the workbooks bought by Zhongxin from the bookstore. Zhongxin thought: “Practice makes perfect. As long as my daughter does more exercises, she will be able to solve any question in her studies.” Through Zhongxin’s some efforts, Xixi often scored over 95 on the tests. But this still could not satisfy Zhongxin because she wanted her daughter to receive full marks. Then, she gave Xixi an order and said: “If you can’t get 100 points, you won’t be allowed to watch TV or have fun. If you don’t study hard now, you won’t attend university and then you won’t have good prospects.”
Later, Zhongxin bought Xixi at least two extra workbooks during a term. After getting home from work, Zhongxin accompanied Xixi doing homework and Xixi had no choice but to do it. One time, seeing Xixi doing her homework, Zhongxin left home. When she returned, she found Xixi playing and thus angrily lectured her: “Why did you play when I was not here? You are studying for yourself, not for me. What you learn benefits you. How could you not study hard? Don’t I know that you didn’t do your homework?” Xixi refuted her by saying: “If I finish my homework ahead of time, you will give me added exercises.” Hearing her words, Zhongxin got even angrier. From then on, she started to control Xixi more strictly. And she thought of a way of asking her to do extra exercises first and then do her homework. This way, she would not play while doing these tasks. Because if she could not finish her homework, she would be punished by her teachers.
One day, Zhongxin’s cousin came to visit her. He said to her: “If children don’t do well in study, their parents will fear that they can’t attend university and thus won’t find a good job. In order for their children to have decent prospects, most of the parents do their utmost to hire teachers to tutor them, and even after school, they send them to art classes. We should be strict with our children. Don’t relax their education.” Hearing this, Zhongxin agreed with him very much. Later, she had stricter requirements of her daughter. One time, Xixi sobbed to her sadly: “You’re a bad mother. I’ve never seen such a mother like you. Every day, you ask me to do so many tasks that I have no time to play around. Why do you treat me this way? Don’t you know I am very tired? Why don’t you care about my feelings?” Another time, when Zhongxin saw her have a bad writing and make a mistake in solving mathematical problems, she scolded her. At that moment, Xixi snorted with rage at her with her fists clenched. Seeing her take such action, Zhongxin felt much pain and helplessness. She thought: “I have paid so much for you but should receive your hatred of me in return. Hasn’t what I’ve done been for your own good? How can’t you know my good intentions?” She also thought about how Xixi would not get into college because her academic performance was always bad. From then on, Zhongxin sighed and groaned, living in distress every day …
Untying the Knot in Her Mind Through God’s Words
Afterward, Zhongxin’s sister spread the kingdomof God to her and read her some God’s words: “The fate of man is controlled by the hands of God. You are incapable of controlling yourself: Despite always rushing and busying about for himself, man remains incapable of controlling himself. If you could know your own prospects, if you could control your own fate, would you still be a creature?” “Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.”
After reading these, she fellowshiped: “Zhongxin, from God’s words we can know people cannot control their own destiny or change others’ because what family people are born into, their caliber and appearance, how cultured they are, what work they will do and whether they will be rich or poor in the future are all decided by God’s sovereignty and predestination. Take you for example. Since childhood, you had been studying hard but failed to get into high school. Was it something that you could foresee or change? We cannot control our own fates, so how could we control our children’s? Xixi’s destiny and future are ruled over and arranged by God’s hands. Why not give her studies and future work over to God’s control?”
Through God’s words and her sister’s fellowship, Zhongxin came to understand that she could not hold her own fate, much less her daughter’s. So, afterward, she didn’t ask Xixi to do extra tasks and sometimes she took her to go out and have fun on weekend. This made Her daughter feel relieved.
Expecting Her Daughter to Be Successful Made the Estrangement Repeat
With time passing, Xixi graduated from elementary school. Through her uncle’s help, she successfully got into a key middle school. Zhongxin thought the studies in middle school was most crucial during the whole stage of students, and that if in middle school students created a firm foundation and got into a good high school, it would not be difficult for them to attend university. Thus, Zhongxin started to draw up study plans for her daughter once more, and bought her some workbooks from the bookstore. One Saturday, it was the birthday of Xixi’s classmate and Xixi and others were invited to KFC to celebrate. Zhongxin didn’t allow her to go out, and asked her to do homework at home. Although Xixi was strictly controlled by Zhongxin, her academic grades didn’t improve, and she, because of much pressure to study, became taciturn and was unwilling to speak with Zhognxin. Facing such a situation, Zhongxin was in so much pain. Then, she came before God and prayed: “Oh, God! I don’t know what I should do concerning my daughter’s studies. Seeing her having so much pressure, I feel sorry for her. But I dare not be lax with her because I am afraid that she cannot get into college. God, please lead me to walk out of distress.”
After praying, Zhongxin saw God’s words: “Everyone starts planning as soon as they have children: I want my child to receive what kind of education, attend what university, and then find a good job, and have a stable footing and status in society. … Is hoping that their children can all become the cream of the crop the right viewpoint to have? People all hope that their children can be successful. Everyone hopes their children can go to a famous university, then take up advanced studies, earn a degree, and afterward stand out among others and gain a firm foothold in society. People all have this viewpoint and all want their children to pursue higher education because of the saying: “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all.” Furthermore, competition in this modern society is especially intense. If they don’t have a university degree or have a firm foothold in society, making a living becomes a problem in the future. This is everybody’s thinking and point of view. That is, what you learn and what kind of educational background you can achieve will decide your livelihood, your future. In other words, people intend to rely on this thing to survive throughout life, and they see it as especially important. That’s why everyone sees receiving a high-level education and getting into a top university as the number one most important thing for their children. … What is mankind’s point of view? They will not be able to survive and have a stable footing in this society and the world if they don’t have such things, and they will be inferior, poor, and base people. That is why, if someone doesn’t have knowledge, is uneducated, or does not have a high level of education in your eyes, you will despise them, look down on them, show contempt for them, and not take them seriously. If you let your children do this and nurture your children to do these things, your point of view and your motive are not right in the first place.”
Through God’s words, Zhongxin came to understand the reason why she educated her daughter with high standards and strict demands was because she was dominated by Satanic poisons of “expecting my child to become an outstanding personage,” “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all,” and “Distinguish oneself to bring glory to family and ancestors.” She thought that her daughter must receive a high-level education and be knowledgeable in order to stand out. She had been pursuing to be outstanding since childhood but failed, so she projected her desires onto her daughter. After Xixi was born, she started to plan how to educate her. When Xixi was very young, Zhongxin began to teach her to read and write and sent her to learn drawing. For Xixi to get full marks, she always assigned her extra tasks. And as long as she could not finish them, Zhongxin would lecture her and give her no time to relax. She never considered what Xixi thought in her heart or how tiring and hard it was for her to do so many tasks. As a result, Xixi felt full of resentment toward her. Afterward, even if Zhongxin accepted God’s work and knew Xixi’s fate was ruled over by Him, because of being controlled by Satan’s toxins, she was unwilling to place her daughter in God’s hands but still was strict about her academic performance and thought of many means to nurture her. She didn’t expect that although she exhausted herself in doing these things, Xixi’s performance still didn’t improve. And Xixi kept her distance from her, there being a gap between them. She realized her wrong view on pursuit led to these pains. She read the following God’s words: “God is man’s only Lord, God is the only Master of human fate, and so it is impossible for man to dictate his own fate, impossible for him to surpass it. No matter how great one’s abilities, one cannot influence, much less orchestrate, arrange, control, or change the fates of others. Only the unique God Himself dictates all things for man, for only He possesses the unique authority that holds sovereignty over human fate; and so only the Creator is man’s unique Master.” She thought: “This is the truth. It is God who is the only Lord of man and dictates everyone’s fate. What my daughter’s future prospects will be like is in God’s hands. I always stubbornly use my abilities to decide her fate. I am so arrogant and overconfident.”
After understanding these, Zhongxin prayed to God: “Oh, God! Because my daughter cannot improve her academic grades, I live in distress. I always held on to the view “The worth of other pursuits is small, the study of books excels them all” and didn’t let go of it. This caused her to get taciturn and stay away from me. God, I am willing to truly give her future and fate into Your hands and completely put aside my wrong views on pursuing.”
Changing the Viewpoints of the Past and Having Intimate Relationship
From then onward, Zhongxin no longer assigned Xixi extra tasks. Even if she had bad exam results, Zhongxin would not lecture or beat her. There was a time when Xixi didn’t do well in the mid-term examination. When seeing her bad grades, Zhongxin got very angry and thought: “I relax your studies, but you should get such bad grades. If you keep on like this, can you get into a key high school? If you can’t, you won’t have the chance to attend university, not to mention a promising future.”
However, at the very moment, she thought of God’s words: “Whatever your background and whatever the journey ahead of you, none can escape the orchestration and arrangement that Heaven has in store, and none are in control of their destiny, for only He who rules over all things is capable of such work.” Zhongxin realized that she arrogantly wanted to be in charge of her daughter’s destiny once again and that she should entrust it to God. Then she calmly said to her daughter: “Xixi, it doesn’t matter. You can try harder next time. Just do your best. As for grades, we follow the course of nature.” Hearing her say this, Xixi nodded her head cheerfully and said: “Well, I will do my best.” Then she happily went to do her homework. Though Xixi didn’t do well in this test, when Zhongxin saw her daughter was so liberated, she felt very reassured. She had never had such a feeling in her heart before.
Later, Zhongxin brought Xixi to, and they often saw God’s words and watched various gospel videos of the church together on weekends. Besides, she often took her to parks and had fun. Xixi said in surprise: “You’ve changed, mom. You don’t now give extra tasks to me. Instead, you often take me to go out to have fun, give me freedom and allow me to play with my classmates.” After finishing these words, she looked at Zhongxin with suspicion and asked: “Will you assign me many tasks again in future, mom?” She comforted Xixi by saying: “No, I won’t. Concerning your studies, I’ll consult your opinions and won’t force you. As long as you put your heart into your studies and try your best, even if you get bad grades, I won’t blame you.” At that moment, Xixi gave her a bright smile.
Afterward, when seeing something new in school, Xixi would always be pleased to share it with Zhongxin. When she could not solve the problems in her studies, Xixi would ask Zhongxin for help. When she saw her mother and her grandma reading God’s words, Xixi would happily get close to read together with them. Xixi ceased to be depressed and reticent and became lively and cheerful. And she no longer remained distant from Zhongxin and talked about everything with Zhongxin like bosom friends. Meanwhile, Zhongxin felt relieved and liberated in the depths of her heart. She knew all these were the results that God’s words achieved on her. Just as God’s words said: “Only God is the truth. God controls the heavens and earth and everything in them and has dominion over all. Not to believe in God, not to submit to God is to be unable to obtain truth. If you live according to God’s word, you will feel a clarity, stability, and incomparable sweetness in the depths of your heart; you will have truly obtained life.”
» After Bridging the Gap, My Son and I Both Laugh – She was often angry at her son for what he did and didn’t care how he was feeling when she spoke to him, so there was a generation gap between them. After realizing the reason for their bad relationship, she decided to change the way to relate to her son.
» I Don’t Need to Worry About My Son’s Education Anymore – Christian’s Experience: She had been troubled by the education of her child, but finally she found the solution in God”s words.