by Jiejing, United States
Mentioning my belief in God, it was really God’s arrangement, wise and wonderful. I came to America in June of 2013, then I found several jobs of looking after the aged, who were all believers in Jesus. Later, with some things to deal with, I went to a church, where the pastor prayed for me and taught me how to pray. Seeing these people believing in the Lord were quite kind and loving, I then had a thought of feeling like believing in Jesus. Nevertheless, owing to the obstacle between languages, I didn’t believe in the Lord formally all along.
One day in June, 2015, in a job intermediary I knew a sister believing in God, who preached the gospel to me and also told me that everything we enjoy is from God and that all of us should believe in and worship God… From then on, she often called me and fellowshiped with me about belief in God. She said, “Now it is already the last days, and on the basis of the work of the , God has done a stage of work of man’s salvation, which is the work of separating all according to their kind and also the work of bringing everything to a close. Don’t miss the opportunity again…” I had wanted to believe in Jesus, and what’s more, I heard so much from the sister, so I was willing to believe in together with her, though I was still unable to have a complete comprehension.
When I first believed in God, the sister rang me up frequently, and let me read and attend meetings, with which I got very bored in my heart. I thought: Believing in God is just a belief. It is OK to go to church weekly. Like those who believe in Jesus in the church, time permitting, they will go, or, they won’t. Why is her faith in God so serious? How troublesome it is!
Afterward, I was arranged to have meetings along with several brothers and sisters, and I found that they had a better understanding of God’s word and knowledge of God than me. Therefore, I felt somewhat anxious in my heart and wanted, from that moment on, to take the meeting seriously and know more truth. At a meeting, I read these words of God, “There are some people whose belief has never been acknowledged in God’s heart. In other words, God does not recognize that these people are His followers, because God does not praise their belief. … They regard believing in God as some kind of amateur hobby, treating God merely as spiritual sustenance, so they don’t think it’s worth it to try and understand God’s disposition, or God’s essence. You could say that all that which corresponds to the true God has nothing to do with these people. They’re not interested, and they can’t be bothered to respond. This is because deep in their hearts there’s an intense voice that’s always telling them: God is invisible and untouchable, and God doesn’t exist. They believe that trying to understand this kind of God would not be worth their efforts; it would be fooling themselves. They just acknowledge God in words, and don’t take any real stand. They also don’t do anything in practical terms, thinking that they’re pretty clever. How does God look upon these people? He views them as non-believers” (“How to Know God’s Disposition and the Result of His Work”). After reading these words, I suddenly realized: My attitude toward belief in God was that I just regarded it as an amateur hobby. If I had time, I would read God’s word and attend meetings, otherwise I wouldn’t. Never have I considered how to know this God, what His disposition is, what His essence is, or why I believe in Him. As for these things, I haven’t thought them with concentrated attention. That I held onto such a viewpoint of belief in God is not acknowledged by God, who doesn’t acknowledge such belief and views such kind of people as non-believers. Suddenly I felt it was sad for people who but are to be treated as non-believers by God. Thereupon, I decided to give up one of my jobs, spare more time to attend meetings and listen to the fellowship and preaching about life entry. I’d better chase farther on soon and could no longer see belief in God as an amateur hobby.
After that, I could take some time to have meetings and also spare time to read God’s word at home. The more I read God’s word, the more I felt that God’s words are exactly the truth, which is very practical and can correct my views on things. Before, I was miserly, immersed myself in several hard work to earn money desperately, and always wanted to make more money. And, at my leisure, I could, without any inhibitions, travel during my holiday, and enjoy the superior material life. At that time, by reading God’s words, I knew that believing in God to gain life is the most important. So every weekend I spend money living in an inn for one night, so as to arrive upon the scene to listen to fellowship and preaching about life entry the next morning, and then continue to get together with brothers and sisters in the afternoon. And I go back home in the evening. In this way, it takes one day to listen to the preaching and attend the meeting every week. I not only don’t make money, but spend money. Had it happened in the past, I must have felt anguished over my money. But then I understood some truth after I believed in God and felt it is worthwhile to spend the money as long as I could gain life. Like the words in Fellowship and Preaching About Life Entry, “You believe that making a lot money will make you live longer and bring you eternal life. This is a delusion…. Is it meaningful that you have a lot of money and enjoyment? How can it be compared with practicing the truth? The two are incomparable! God sees the people who practice the truth as precious.” (Fellowship and Preaching About Life Entry).
Soon, it was fast-forward to February 8, 2017, on which I took the driving test. That day, I prayed to God unceasingly in my heart: “O God! May you care and protect me, and let me be agile in the exam and pass it.” Yet in the end I failed it. Unconsciously I started to complain about God: How come there was no effect while I prayed all the way? Why didn’t God protect me from the failure since I believe in Him? At night, I didn’t even want to pray, but I felt uncomfortable, so I made a perfunctory prayer.
After knowing about that, the sister responsible for watering me fellowshiped: Although the thing was incompatible with our notions, and God didn’t satisfy our fleshly desire according to our imaginations, inside which, however, there is God’s will, and we shouldn’t complain about and misunderstand Him. Then she read a passage of God’s words for me, “How many believe in Me only so I would heal them? How many believe in Me only so I would use My powers to drive unclean spirits out of their bodies? And how many believe in Me simply to receive peace and joy from Me? How many believe in Me only to demand from Me more material wealth, and how many believe in Me just to spend this life in safety and to be safe and sound in the world to come? How many believe in Me only to avoid the suffering of hell and to receive the blessings of heaven? How many believe in Me only for temporary comfort but do not seek to gain anything in the world to come? When I brought down My fury upon man and seized all the joy and peace he originally possessed, man became doubtful. … When I took away all that man had demanded from Me, then all disappeared without a trace. Therefore, I say that man has faith in Me because I give too much grace, and there is far too much to gain” (“What Do You Know of Faith?”). After reading these words of God, in retrospect, since I believed in God, I regarded believing in God as a belief. Later I understood some truth and was willing to believe in God seriously, but my viewpoint of believing in God was impure, for I aimed at getting grace and blessings from God, and therefore I asked God to help me get through the driving test smoothly. Didn’t I use God to attain my purpose? How is this believing in God? It was obvious to take advantage of God. When God didn’t meet my desire, I began to blame Him and be even reluctant to pray to Him. God wishes we should have confidence in Him whatever we encounter. Even if it is something not in line with our notions and imaginations, we won’t complain about God. However, I did nothing but misunderstand and complain about God. This was not a true believer in God. Having understood God’s will, when I took the driving test again, I didn’t ask Him to keep me to pass through it. I just prayed: “O God! This time, no matter whether I pass it or not, there is Your good purpose within. I am willing to seek the truth and know You, and never complain about You.”
Gradually, my viewpoints on both clinging to an amateur belief and gaining blessings changed a little. Previously, I would often realize I didn’t pray when it was time to go to bed, and then I just said a few words casually and slept; but now almost every night, before I go to bed, I first browse God’s words and the videos on the Internet sent by brothers and sisters, then pray to God piously, and sleep. Previously, after work hours, I would make the best use of my time to play games if necessary; but now whenever I am idle, I will, on YouTube or App, read the word of Almighty God, listen to the recitation of God’s word or read testimony article on experience of brothers and sisters, feeling grounded in mind. I used to pray for peace and blessings, and make a deal with God; but now I know that it was a manifestation of my unreasonableness and that a created being is not qualified to ask anything of God, so my prayers have been changed: I will pray to God and seek His will in the things that I encounter in my life, and let God help me do them according to His demands. These progresses above have been added to me by God. I have also realized that attending meetings and reading more words of God can really change people.