A Different Home

By Xiaoyue, Germany

“… The church is my warm home,

God’s people adore it in their hearts,

God’s words take control of it.

We all rely on truth to act and honor Christ as great.

Never scheme against each other, deceive each other.

Needn’t guard against others, needn’t fear.

Christ is the destination of the heart, the heart of people belongs to.

From now on I won’t wander on earth.

This is the kingdom of God that people are longing for,

the peaceful home of mankind.”

Hearing this song, Linlin has burst into tears. She is filled with gratefulness to God, and recalls the miserable life of her being like a floating duckweed.

Losing the Warm and Peaceful Home

In the dead of the night, Linlin, at the age of 4, was awaken by the sound of her parents’ quarreling. She saw her mother poking toward her father with a pair of scissors, and her father made a dodge with a cry. Seeing that, she was so scared that she covered her eyes with a quilt and cried secretly under it. Later, she heard the clonk of smashing things…. The day had not yet dawned, but Linlin’s mother took her to their hometown from the place where her father worked. From then on, her father seldom went home. Every night, her mother wept, with Linlin in her arm. The clever Linlin would wipe her mother’s eyes with her little hands. Linlin’s grandma (mother of Linlin’s father) saw Linlin’s father found a good-looking and rich woman, and then began to despise Linlin’s ordinary mother. What’s more, Linlin’s grandma and grandpa didn’t dote on her anymore and nobody saw her off to school and picked her up after school. When she saw other children being picked up and seen off by their family, she was very sad. The little girl with smile before became solitary and introverted. At last, her parents ended their marriage at her age of 7.

After her parents’ divorce, her mother went to another location to work. Linlin lived with her mother’s parents. Because her grandparents were busy working, they had no time to look after her. Thus she always had cold steamed buns for breakfast. Every time she went to her classmates’ for the sake of going to school with them, she envied her classmates when seeing their mothers serving hot and delicious food. At that time, her simplest desire was to eat a hot steamed bun. One time, she wrangled with a boy over a little thing and he called her “migrant,” which gave her broken heart a big hit again. She cried bitterly. How she yearned for owning a home! And how she yearned for going back to the past life of being doted on and cared for by her parents! But all of those were an unreachable dream for her.

Yet, when she was 15, Linlin’s mother’s mother heard by chance that the woman her father found had run away with another man and left a four-year-old son. So her father lived a miserable life. The business of the shoe-store he opened lost money, and he played games on the Internet all day. He sent word to Linlin that he wanted to meet her. Afterward, through her persuasion, her mother came back and renewed the conjugal relationship with her father. From then on, Linlin’s dream of having a home was fulfilled finally. So she could enjoy the warmth of the home. However, reality and dreams were like two parallel lines, never joining.

Again Losing the Home She Had Acquired

When she was 17, one midnight, Linlin heard her mother berating her father on the telephone. Later, she knew her father cheated again, which caused Linlin to feel disappointed in him. She never thought that her father still cheated on her mother when her mother looked after the whole family at home. She hated her father doing that once again. Why did he never think about this family? She wondered why her father was incorrigible. If not for her father’s betrayal, she would not have born the pain that was different from her peers’, would not have become so solitary and feel inferior. After that, Linlin tried to talk with her father, influence him by writing letters to him, and even went to the place where her father worked to look for him, but it was all to no avail. For the reason, her mother thoroughly left the home which made her grieved. Then Linlin felt many pairs of eyes looked at her as soon as she went outside. She felt like a fish out of water from head to toe and lived depressedly and painfully. She didn’t want to stay at this ruined home any longer. However, when she thought of the experience of having no home, she didn’t hope to lose it. She was in a quandary.

The thing that Linlin didn’t want to encounter happened after all. At her age of 20, when her father came back home after working in another place, her father’s mother began to arrange a blind date for her father. She was completely disappointed in her father. Nevertheless, she attended when her father went on the blind date to see him for the last time. Afterward, Linlin packed up her things and left the home that made her sad and distressed.

In her grandma’s, Linlin saw her mother. When her mother knew Linlin went to see her father, her mother was so angry that she scolded her: “You shouldn’t meet him. A person like your dad should die.” Hearing mother’s sad scolding, Linlin felt painful and couldn’t help thinking: Why does nobody care how I feel? Why does dad only have so much fun away from me and never think about other people? Why don’t I have a warm home? Suddenly, she saw the pesticide on the windowsill. Then when she took the bottle up and twisted off the lid and wanted to drink, her grandma snatched the bottle and said: “What are you doing? Why are you so stupid?” Linlin had burst into tears and cried loudly in the yard. Her mother also burst into tears and ran to her and comforted her. At that moment, her heart was surrounded by loneliness, dreariness and helplessness.

Finding the True Home

When Linlin felt painful and despaired, God’s salvation came upon her. She saw God’s words: “The Almighty has mercy on these people who suffer deeply. At the same time, He is fed up with these people who have no consciousness, because He has to wait too long for the answer from humans. He desires to seek, seek your heart and your spirit. He wants to bring you food and water and to awaken you, so you are no longer thirsty, no longer hungry. When you are weary and when you begin to feel the desolation of this world, do not be perplexed, do not cry. Almighty God, the Watcher, will embrace your arrival any time. He is watching by your side, waiting for you to turn back. He is waiting for the day your memory suddenly recovers: becoming conscious of the fact that you came from God, somehow and somewhere once lost, falling unconscious on the roadside, and then, unknowingly having a father. You further realize that the Almighty has been watching there, awaiting your return all along.” From God’s words, she felt God’s love and concern for her. God knew she was suffering pain, so He was calling her and waiting her to come home. For those years, she never had a naive childhood like other children, never enjoyed the warmth of the home, but lived in self-abasement and pain and even lost the courage to live. She wandered away from home like a lost child, and there was not a harbor for her to rest. But when hearing God’s calls, she was touched. She seemed to experience the anxiety of God’s heart and felt that God was waiting for her to come home soon. Then she couldn’t help kneeling down and poured out her pain and depression to God that had been hidden in her heart for these years. She felt relieved in a moment and much more at ease.

Linlin attended a meeting with the brothers and sisters and fellowshiped about God’s words. When she shared her experience with the brothers and sisters, none of them laughed at or looked down upon her. Moreover, everyone shared their experiences with each other. No matter what difficulties they faced, they all sustained and helped each other, close as members of one family. Linlin felt released and free like never before. When she encountered some trouble or had negativity and weakness, her brothers and sisters would be patient to fellowship about God’s words with her and to share their experiences and knowledge of this aspect in order to help her find the way to practice and finally out of a negative situation. Here, she enjoyed the warmth of the home.

Afterward, Linlin saw a passage of God’s words: “Above the human race, the sky lowers, murky and gloomy, without so much as a glimmer of clarity, and the human world is plunged in pitchy darkness, so that one living in it cannot even see his outstretched hand before his face or the sun when he lifts up his head. The road beneath his feet, muddy and rife with potholes, meanders tortuously; the whole land is littered with corpses. The dark corners are filled with the remains of the dead, and in the cool and shady corners crowds of demons have taken up residence. And everywhere in the world of men demons come and go in hordes. The progeny of all manner of beasts, covered in filth, are locked in pitch battle, the sound of which strikes terror in the heart. At such times, in such a world, such an ‘earthly paradise,’ where does one go to seek out life’s felicities? Where would one go to find his life’s destination?” And it says in the Sermons and Fellowship on Entry Into Life: “As man’s corruption has become ever deeper, the trend of this world is ever more evil. The worldly trend’s deteriorating, morals’ getting corrupt and people’s hearts’ becoming sinister become inevitable trend. In the trend of the world, positive things are getting ever less, but instead negative things are growingly taking a leading role. Because people serving as any mainstream of the world are all ones who don’t know God and belong to Satan. They all resist and deny God. And they have controlled the trend of the world, which causes the world to be increasingly dark and the age evil. It is totally an age when a host of demons run rampant everywhere.”

Seeing the words of God and the fellowship, Linlin understood why people nowadays become so selfish and evil. It is because people have left God and lived under Satan’s domain and in the evil worldly trend. The society pursues “Man lives just to get food and clothing,” “Seize the day for pleasure, for life is short” and “The red flag at home doesn’t fall, the colorful flags outside flutter in the breeze.” Therefore, eating, drinking, gambling and whoring, and behaving like thieves and prostitutes have become the social conduct and trends of the times. Linlin understood her father had also been poisoned by this worldly trend. During her childhood, her father was a family-centered person originally and doted on her. But since he worked at a hotel and became the chef, he began to fall. Then he became more and more evil, only cared about lusting for the pleasure of sin himself, but didn’t care for the other people, which caused the broken family. The society nowadays has been filled with evil, and people become licentious in their nature and advocate violence. People all enjoy the pleasure of sin. Negative things have become the mainstream of society, but positive things have been attacked and rejected. People all deny and oppose God. This is the sorrow of this mankind and also the source of mankind’ suffering. At the moment, Linlin more realized why God says, “At such times, in such a world, such an ‘earthly paradise,’ where does one go to seek out life’s felicities? Where would one go to find his life’s destination?” God’s words relieved the pain and released the confusion in her heart, and made her let go of the hate for her father. She wouldn’t complain or feel painful any longer. She thought back to the experiences she had ever before. Although there were tears and pain, yet she learned to be considerate of other people, to take care of other people and to be strong in this environment. At the same time, she got rid of the pampered nature and frivolousness. She was not like her peers who always stayed in the Internet bars, went to KTV and played around with others. At this time, she thought that it was a blessing that she came to God’s house through such environment. In God’s family, she enjoyed the watering and supply of God’s words, learned how to live as a person and how to live out the normal humanity. All these were God’s love for her. She felt extremely happy and uttered thanksgiving and praise to God from the depths of her heart. Moreover, she made a firm resolution to do her best to believe in God and seek the truth to know God.

Later, Linlin heard of her father finding an undergraduate and she bore him a boy. Linlin didn’t feel anger or pain any more as before when she heard about that news. She knew that her father was poisoned by this evil trend. If we don’t come before God, we can only be tempted and corrupted by Satan and live in Satan’s trap, and then we will become more and more evil and depraved and live pitifully and sadly. Linlin doesn’t want to attain the so-called home any longer, because God’s house is her true home. As God’s words say: “Their lives in this world are not alone. Mankind has God’s care, God is with them; people can always lean on God; He is the family of every one of His followers. With God to lean on, mankind will no longer be lonely or helpless….” Only God is her relative. With God to lean on, she won’t feel lonely or hopeless.

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