By Heyi, Malaysia
From a fortuitous opportunity, I met a general manager of a large real estate firm and then was employed on an exception. After I joined the firm, I found that all the other workers there are the highly educated. Because of my low education background, they all despised me, and often bullied and laughed at me. When my leader used English to give a speech in the meeting, he asked me to record the meeting minutes, intentionally putting me in difficulties. When we had working meetings, though clearly aware of my poor English, they still pushed me to the stage, deliberately making a fool of me. I felt very embarrassed and could not wait to find a place to hide away. I thought to myself: Indeed, I’m unremarkable here and don’t possess a high degree, so you all look down upon me. I must strive to win back some dignity for myself. As long as I work hard I must one day be successful.
In the days that followed, I went to work early and left late every day, working overtime. In the firm, the manager gave to me the work that other workers were unwilling to do, and other workers asked me to do all things that they didn’t want to do. In order to give them a good impression and make them recognize my ability, I worked assiduously and in obscurity. I tried my best to make everything perfect and if not, I would do it again and again until I was satisfied. In my work, although sometimes I felt bitter and exhausted, and there were many difficulties, I still bit the bullet and worked hard to overcome them, and what’s more, they must be done best. Through a period of hard work, I gradually learned many things including English, professional knowledge and skills. Afterward, every time my name was mentioned, everyone in the company knew it was me, and they also said that there was nothing that I couldn’t solve. Slowly, when they had something difficult to do they all came to ask for my help, and the manager also began to look favorably upon me and have a good opinion of me. I was promoted again and again, and my salary was raised to the level of manager. Because of my promotion, my colleagues all admired me. At their admiration and approval, I felt very flattered inside and felt a sense of achievement.
Because I asked everything to be perfectly done, when my workers thought my requirements were too high for them to meet, they would push their jobs onto me. When any feedback was given from our clients about their house, I must step forward and resolve it. When their work didn’t reach my standard, I would ask them to do it all over again and if they still couldn’t do it well, then I would do it myself. … Thus, due to the ever increasing workload, I had to handle some documents home after work; to be praised and admired by others and to maintain a perfect image, I often worked late at night to finish them, and in the next morning, I still appeared as a superhuman before others. During several years when I worked there, I rarely took annual leave, and even went back to work soon after I saw a doctor about my illness. Because I had been busy working for a long time, my health began to suffer. Gradually my illness became more and more serious, even to the point that I often felt tightness in my chest and I couldn’t drive. I was afraid that if I worked on like this, I would be suffocated at any time. So I took the doctor’s advice, quitting that job and then finding a cushy one.
Before long, I accepted God’s work in the last days and began to perform my duty in the church. Because I first joined the church and needed to equip myself with many truths, I attended meetings in several groups. I told myself that I must try my best to ponder over and be equipped with the truth that I needed to understand as soon as possible, so I read all aspects of the truth. But eventually I found that far from making any truth clear, I completely got lost instead. I told my situation to a sister and she sent me two passages of God’s words: “In all that they do, people should not be blind, and they should not be overambitious, or reach for what is beyond their grasp. They must be pragmatic, measured and deliberate, they must have clear objectives, and take things one step at a time. In this way, everything you do or learn will be of practical use. You might not have a very strong theoretical foundation, and you might not have a lot of specialist knowledge—but you are able to do things that are practical, and which have a practical effect, and that’s good enough. You must take each step as it comes, first clarifying your objectives.” “You must learn how to walk, and how to walk steadily, one step at a time. If you can walk, then walk; do not try to learn how to run. If you can walk one step at a time, then do not try to take two steps at a time. You must be a person with your feet firmly on the ground. Do not try to be superhuman, great, or lofty.”
God’s words made me understand that I shouldn’t do things blindly, or try to reach for something beyond my grasp. During my process of learning, I should lock on target, and learn step by step and little by little. In reality, however, I always tried to be a superhuman to understand all at once; this is directed by my corrupt disposition. Actually I had just joined the church and practiced the performance of my duty, so it was impossible for me to understand all the truth at once, for it took time to understand the truth and enter into the reality.is that in performing my duty, I should equip myself with the truth little by little and just put into practice what I understood; instead of pretending to be powerful, I should do things with my feet firmly on the ground. After I understood these, I felt released in my heart.
But because I had no real knowledge of my corrupt disposition, I still pursued perfection and thus lived in pain. When I was in meetings, I cared much about the opinion of my brothers and sisters toward me, fearing that they would look down upon me if I couldn’t fellowship well. In order to gain their admiration and recognition, I constantly pondered how to fellowship well. In a meeting, while a brother was sharing, I was taking some notes and considering in my heart: “I must listen carefully, make notes well, and later on I must share more clearly.” However, when I began to fellowship, I lost my train of thought all of a sudden. In order not to be seen through by my brothers and sisters, I had to bite the bullet and say something. At that moment I felt a loss of face, and a sense of frustration and remorse. In the next day’s meeting, I still had trouble with my failure of fellowship, and while hearing others’ sharing I couldn’t help shedding tears. Because I always had requirements that were too high for myself and I also focused on my face too much, I unknowingly placed added pressure on myself. As a result, I suffered a relapse and felt a tightness in my chest again. I couldn’t help but reflect on myself: Why do I always want to do everything well but just fail to make it?
Later, I told my state to a sister. And she sent me a passage of God’s words: “Human beings, dominated by their satanic disposition, harbor a sort of desire, a type of ambition, inside of them. This is hidden within their humanity. They never want to stay on the ground; they keep wanting to go up into the air. Is being in the air a place for a person to stay? Whose place is it to stay? (Satan’s.) That is a place for Satan, not a place for humans. When creating humans, God put them on the ground so that your daily lives could be completely normal and your lifestyles disciplined, and so that you could learn general knowledge about how to be human beings, and learn how to behave, how to live, and how to worship God. God did not give you wings; He did not allow you to stay up in the air. Those with wings are birds, and the ones wandering around in the air are Satan and evil spirits and filthy demons. Those are not human beings! If people keep having such ambitions, always wanting to turn themselves extraordinary and superior, different from others, and special, then that is a problem! First of all, the source of your thinking is wrong. ‘Extraordinary and superior’—what kind of thinking is this? ‘Stand head and shoulders above the rest,’ ‘defy all comparison,’ ‘flawless and impeccable,’ ‘fine beyond compare,’ ‘forging a unique path’—when used in people’s pursuits, are these phrases good or bad? (Bad.) ‘Outstanding,’ ‘excellent,’ ‘special talent,’ ‘powerful presence,’ ‘charming personality,’ ‘irresistible,’ ‘celebrated and great,’ ‘idolized’—are such words any good? Are these goals that people should be pursuing? (No.) Then what are they? (Satan’s path; they represent the pursuit of becoming the archangel.) Is there even one word in all of the truth that tells you to be such a person? (No.)”
Through God’s words I understood: After being corrupted by Satan, we all live based on corrupt dispositions. Dominated by my arrogant nature, I always wanted to be extraordinary and superior, different from others, and to be looked up to and thought highly of by others. Thinking back on my past work, in order to prove my ability, I asked myself to do everything well and make everything perfect. To maintain my perfect image, no matter how painful or exhausting it was, I would not hesitate about it. At last, I gained others’ recognition and admiration, yet I paid the price—the danger of losing my life at any time. After I accepted God’s work, due to the domination of my arrogant nature, I was always afraid of being looked down on by others and so I always wanted to pursue perfection and pursue to be extraordinary. I asked myself to be proficient in everything, and didn’t allow myself to make any mistakes. When I saw my deficiencies and inadequacies, I couldn’t treat them properly. The arrogant and conceited nature made me pursue to be flawless and impeccable and always consider myself great, thus placing much added pressure and suffering on me. Through the revelation of God’s words I realized that this was not a proper direction and goal that man with normal humanity should pursue, but rather was entirely contrary to God’s will.
I thought of God’s words that say: “People themselves are objects of creation. Can objects of creation achieve omnipotence? Can they achieve perfection? Can they achieve flawlessness? Can they achieve proficiency in everything, come to understand everything, and accomplish everything? They cannot, right?” “And so the relationship between the Creator and the creatures can never be altered. As one of the creatures, man must keep his own position, and behave conscientiously, and dutifully guard that which is entrusted to him by the Creator. And man must not act out of line, or do things beyond his range of ability or do things that are loathsome to God. Man must not try to be great, or exceptional, or above others, nor seek to become God. This is how people should not desire to be. Seeking to become great or exceptional is absurd. Seeking to become God is even more disgraceful; it is disgusting, and despicable. What is commendable, and what the creatures should hold to more than anything else, is to become a true creature; this is the only goal that all people should pursue.”
Yes, God is the Creator, it is only God that is holy and perfect. I am a created creature, and can never achieve perfection, much less do everything perfectly without any flaws. As a creature, I should behave conscientiously and dutifully, pursue the truth step by step and practice what I understood. Concerning my deficiencies, I should treat them properly, not caring about how others view me. And rather than seeking to be above others, I should pursue to be a true creature: keep my own position and do my duty well with my whole heart and all my mind.
Now in my work, I can treat my colleagues with some more tolerance and consideration. I am no longer critical of their work, or ask too much of them, and as long as they can make things properly done, it will be OK. In performing my duty, I learn things one step at a time and gradually understand some truths. When I became myself as a creature, I felt very free and my illness was also cured. Thank God! In the future I’m willing to be grounded and practical in my behavior and fulfill my duty as a creature to repay His love.