By Chengjing, South Korea
In the kitchen, Su Ran was busy as usual, because her daughter Xinxin would come back from school soon. As Su Ran was busy, she was thinking of a set of unhappy things that happened between her daughter and her these days.
Recently, Xinxin’s lessons were quite stressful, because high school entrance examination was coming and various pressure was put upon her one after another. Although Xinxin studied hard ordinarily, there was not much improvement with her academic record, which was always average. Su Ran always thought that the reason why Xinxin’s academic grades didn’t improve was because she didn’t study hard enough. Su Ran worried very much. She was afraid that Xinxin would fall behind in her nine grade if she didn’t improve her exam results. So she always nagged Xinxin these days, letting her make the best use of her time to study. Having heard much about it, Xinxin felt bored and also answered back several times. Su Ran thought that Xinxin was in the rebellious phase and couldn’t listen to whatever the adults said, so she felt disappointed in Xinxin. Gradually, the estrangement developed between them and they got into a cold war …
As Su Ran was thinking, Xinxin came back. Although she saw her mother was cooking, she didn’t say anything but went to the sofa with her head drooping and sat there silently; Su Ran was still busy cooking. After Xinxin sat on the sofa for a while, she suddenly raced to her room, which distracted Su Ran. She looked at Xinxin and vaguely saw there was a paper in Xinxin’s hands. She guessed that maybe Xinxin had taken an examination again and that she didn’t do it well. Thinking that Xinxin was not obedient these days, she thought to herself: When Xinxin comes out to have dinner, I must give her a good lecture.
At the table, Xinxin said with hesitation: “Mom, in this examination … I … I …” From Xinxin’s expression and word, Su Ran had guessed the result, knowing that Xinxin was guilty. So Su Ran even more thought that it was because Xinxin didn’t study hard at ordinary times that Xinxin didn’t dare to face her nor dare to speak out the examination results when Xinxin didn’t do well. The more Su Ran thought, the more she was angry. She said: “OK. No need to say. I know what you want to say. Can’t you make a little progress? At ordinary times, I exhorted you again and again to study diligently. But you …” The words died on her lips because Xinxin was shedding tears.
Seeing Xinxin felt wronged, Su Ran was a little soft-hearted. But once she thought of Xinxin’s exam results, she still felt that Xinxin’s attitude toward studying wasn’t correct enough. She wanted to take advantage of this opportunity to lecture Xinxin seriously, so she said: “Xinxin, I’m not scolding you. Just think carefully. Your poor exam results are inseparable from your attitude of studying. If you study hard at ordinary times, your exam results must be much better than now. If you don’t study hard, what can you do in future? …” She said without stop while Xinxin was somewhat agitated; her eyes filled with tears seemed duller. Then Xinxin clenched her fists, stood up suddenly, and was going back to her room. Seeing Xinxin got angry, Su Ran forced her to sit back in the chair. Because she wanted her daughter to live up to expectations, she said in an anxious and angry tone, “What’s happened to you? Don’t you accept what I say to you? Why don’t you accept? I see you become less obedient as you grow up. As a child, you should listen to your mother. Will I harm you? Don’t I do this just for your own good? Isn’t it right? …”
Looking at her mother’s angry face, Xinxin was angry and felt wronged in her heart. She said: “Since you are my mother, then do you know why my exam results always can’t be improved? You only know to lecture me and nag me about study day after day. Do you know what I need? Have you cared about me? You even don’t know why I didn’t do well in the examination. You don’t understand me at all. You are not really caring about me at all. Are you still my mother?” After that, she ran to her room and slammed the door.
Seeing this, Su Ran was confused, her anger disappearing suddenly. She had never thought that Xinxin would react so sharply. She thought: Do I control her too strictly these days? She was at a loss, sitting on the sofa without knowing how to deal with these sudden things. It seemed as if the flowers on the table were also influenced, drooping dispiritedly, seemingly losing its color.
In the following period of time, their relationship became more and more tepid, and almost became frozen. Maybe they had reflected on themselves after the quarrel, but neither of them first opened their mouth. The current relationship between them made Su Ran upset very much. She also wanted to change the present situation, but she didn’t know what to do, and even didn’t know how to educate her daughter well.
In a meeting, Su Ran told brothers and sisters her troubles. Hearing this, a sister read a passage of God’s words to her: “If people have no verbal or spiritual communication, there is no possibility of intimacy between them, and they can’t provide to each other or help one another. Do you have such a feeling? If your friend says everything to you, saying all of what they’re thinking in their heart, and what suffering or happiness they have in their heart, then do you not feel particularly intimate with them? That they are willing to tell these things to you is because you have also spoken of the words in your heart to them—you are especially close, and it is because of this that you are able to get along with them and help each other out.” And a passage in Fellowship and Preaching About Life Entry: “In your home life, if people used to be in charge of your family, then you must remove them from their position. You must dispel all idols, make God’s words the master of your home, and allowto rule. Husband and wife, father and son, mother and daughter—they must all read and commune God’s words together. If there are any problems or disagreements, these can be resolved through , reading the words of God, and communing the truth. Do not do as you used to, listening to someone. People shouldn’t do as other people say, they should magnify Christ, and allow the words of Christ to rule their family, allow the words of God to take charge in their home. Is this not bringing God’s words into your real life? And so, who really wields power in your home life? Is it you, your husband (or wife), or is it your children, or parents? Do you dare to write the words ‘Christ Is the Lord of My Home’ in your house? Do you dare to say to your husband (or wife), children, and parents, ‘Our family worships God. God’s words have begun to wield power, and from now onward, regardless of what problems we have, we shall solve them through prayer, and eating and drinking the words of God’? If you do it, and bring a complete end to a life of being ruled and reigned by the flesh, then this will be the first step in bringing God into your real life.”
After reading these words, the sister also talked about her own experience. Her relationship with her son was ever similar to that of Su Ran and Su Ran’s daughter. Afterward, she prayed to God to seek the truth and read some man’s fellowships and God’s words. Until then, she came to know the root of the relationship between parents and their children reaching stalemate. It is because parents can’t stand on an equal footing to speak or get along with their children, and because they can’t magnify God in their families but always want to have the last word in all things, and always stand in a high position to lecture and restrict their children and force their children to act according to their thoughts and plans. When their children can’t meet their requirements, as parents, they can’t put aside their status to communicate with and open up to their children, nor give them real care and help after realizing their practical difficulties. Instead, they suppress their children blindly in the name of “for children’s good,” which causes children to be rebellious and to generate resentment toward them, so that children are unwilling to listen to whatever they say. At the same time, the sister also found the path of practice to resolve the conflict and estrangement between her and her son. That is, she should put aside her position as a mother, communicate with her son on her own initiative, know more about his difficulties, consider his feelings, and then give him help and correct guidance. Later on, she acted according to God’s words. As a result, their relationship had indeed improved and her son also became happy.
Having heard God’s words and what the sister fellowshiped, Su Ran gained so much. From these, she knew that the main reason why her relationship with her daughter reached stalemate was due to herself. She always stood in the position as a mother and educated her daughter with an arrogant disposition. She always thought that as a mother, she had the right to educate and control Xinxin and that Xinxin had to listen to her, because what she did was always for her daughter’s good. So as time went on, they two didn’t communicate or open up, which caused them to not understand each other, the conflict and estrangement getting deeper and deeper.
Su Ran also thought of Xinxin’s reproof when they quarreled last time. Xinxin thought that Su Ran didn’t care about her nor knew what she needed. Now, Su Ran finally understood: Xinxin also has her own thoughts and will. What I think is good and right isn’t always suitable for her. If I force her to act according to my thoughts but don’t think of her feelings, it will only make her feel more and more that I don’t understand or care about her. Su Ran also understood that the only way to improve their relationship is to practice according to God’s words: putting aside her position as a mother to learn to get along with and treat her daughter equally, not having too high demands on her, and opening up to her more to know her real needs within so as to give her some practical help and correct guidance.
After she came home from the meeting, Xinxin also came home from school. Although Xinxin was still silent and directly went to her room, Su Ran didn’t feel helpless or angry as before when she saw her daughter, because now she could understand such actions of Xinxin.
The dinner being ready, Su Ran called Xinxin out for dinner. At the table, Su Ran took the initiative to say to Xinxin, asking Xinxin what had happened in the school, whether she had any difficulties or whether she had something happy to share with mother. … At first, Xinxin didn’t say anything. So Su Ran frankly told Xinxin her situation these days and all the knowledge she gained after she had read God’s words and man’s fellowships, and she also admitted her fault to Xinxin. At that time, Xinxin was very surprised. She had never thought that her mother could change her previous actions and chat with her calmly. She was moved somewhat, so she gradually opened up to her mother and told her mother her difficulties and problems in her study these days, saying her heartfelt words that had not been said for a long time. In the small dining room, the mother and daughter chatted comfortably and harmoniously.
Su Ran hadn’t thought that when she just practiced a little according to God’s words, she had unexpected gains. She saw thatis really so almighty and that as long as she practices according to God’s words, any problems can be resolved. As a result, she was more confident in thoroughly improving their relationship. In the following days, when Su Ran got along with Xinxin, she paid more attention to practicing God’s words, putting aside her position and opening up to and chatting with Xinxin more. Gradually, their relationship became closer and closer; eventually they became bosom friends.
In a later meeting, Su Ran shared her experience of practicing God’s words with the brothers and sisters, which benefited and edified them. Su Ran thanked God very much for His leading. It was God’s words that gave her the path of practice, making her relationship with her daughter get improved and their problem of cold war be resolved. Su Ran talked with brothers and sisters happily, the whole room being filled with cheers and laughter.
The flowers on the table also seemed revived, blossoming brightly and gently swaying in the breeze.